Sing Me Something I Need
by clockworksalsa
Summary: Music is so important, especially to Kaneki. He's had to deal with a lot, being both a human and a ghoul, even with the recent strides in synthesized meat and equal representation. Of course, he's had to juggle being a well known rockstar while maintaining his normal, daytime persona. And Hide? He's just very in love and very confused.
1. Chapter 1

Whistling a random string of notes under his breath, Hide made his way to his familiar little coffee shop. The blonde checked his watch- he only had a handful of time before he had to be in his first class of the day. He greeted the burly waiter at the door with a bright grin, asking him how his morning had been so far. The waiter seemed flustered, but flattered, thanking Hide for his consideration, and that his slow morning was vastly improved by the man's kindness. Feeling lighthearted, Hide strode to his table in the back, passing by some interesting characters. He decided that he could spare a few minutes to people watch a bit- one of his favorite pastimes. But a washed out, plain poster posted on the back wall caught the blonde's attention instead. Hide's grin nearly split his face in half as he rushed close enough to get the number on the bottom edge of the poster, knocking into another patron in his haste. He turned his eyes to the other at his pained hiss- Hide had knocked the poor raven-haired man's drink all over his front!

Feeling a rush of guilt, Hide ran to grab napkins from the nearest server, a girl who could be no older than 16, attempting to contain her laughter. Resisting the urge to roll his eyes at her unkindness, the blonde kept up a string of apologies, feeling all the more distressed when he found that he had also spilled it on the book lying on the table. The man waved him off, turning his big eyes from his soiled novel to Hide. He felt his heart stutter as the grey orbs locked on his brown, fighting a blush. The other was the first to look away, sighing. Hide felt miserable, watching as the dark-haired man pulled off his too-large sweater (now bearing a dark, wet stain) and tied it around his waist. Before he left, he remembered to hammer in the code from the poster onto his phone, needing it to buy his beloved ticket. The grey-eyed boy forgotten for the moment, Hide sighed dreamily at the thought of yet another live 20th Ward concert.

20th Ward- one of the most popular all-ghoul bands in Tokyo right now, and only in Tokyo. They didn't tour, had no set schedule, no ITunes, but they were mysterious, and had great music. The only way to get merchandise was to make or record it yourself, and the concerts were ridiculously hard to find. Hide knew as much about the band as anyone, which was hardly anything. Ri-da, Usagi, Orochi, and Shiro were the four members, and each of them had a mask. Except for Shiro, but he was on a whole other level of enigmatic. And Hide hoped to be the one to unravel his identity. He had religiously been attending all of the concerts he could, which one could only get tickets for if they had the code and were fast enough, wishing to meet Shiro himself, but he always disappeared immediately after the shows. Hide huffed through his nose, completing his purchase for the concert tomorrow, and reached up to touch the poster reverently. _One day, Shiro_, Hide thought, _I'll meet you! _

oOo

All throughout the school day, Hide couldn't seem to get the boy from the coffee shop out of his mind. His eyes... they had struck a chord with Hide. The guy looked so lonely, and tired. And plus he wanted to make up for his accident, so tomorrow morning found him waiting at the coffee shop with a copy of The Black Goat's Egg. He sat at the table the man was at yesterday, pegging him as a creature of habit, but he never showed. Hide waited long enough to be just a little late for his classes, before looking around for the waitress from yesterday. She seemed to know him- maybe she could pass the book onto the stranger. But she was nowhere to be found either. Great. Heaving a sigh, Hide slipped the book into his bag and headed off to class, his failure putting a severe damper on his mood. He felt unmotivated at school that day, and instead of paying attention, he decided to read a bit of the book the dark-haired stranger was reading. Maybe he could piece together where he'd be found, or if he'd come back to the coffee shop at all.

The only thing the book did, however, was darken his mood even more. Why would anyone read anything as depressing as that thing? Hide ended up reading it anyway, not once lifting his pen to jot down a note. When the day was over, Hide was almost surprised. How had the time passed so quickly? He carefully bookmarked the page her was on, taking care not to dog-ear the pages- this wasn't his book, after all. Excitement bubbled up within Hide when he remembered that he had a concert tonight, and he eagerly rushed home to double check that everything was in order for tonight. He input the address that came with the purchase of his ticket on his phone, slipped his headphones on, and pressed play.

The place was already crowded when he got there. Damn, he hadn't left early enough again, and he was forced to take a position much farther back from the stage than he would have liked. However, he could still see. The only real downside was being packed in like a sardine, but what could he do, it was a concert with standing room only. A hush fell over the excited crowd when the band members started filing on. Hide listened to someone in front of him introducing them to his friend, who must have been a first-timer. Ri-da, the big, burly drum player received a hearty welcome- despite being shut off the the back most of the time, he had probably the second biggest fanbase, behind Shiro.

"The big guy, on the drums. He was nicknamed Ri-da by a couple of fangirls, and it stuck. His mask is kinda plain and barely covers his face, but no one can find out who he is," Hide heard.

"The next guy is Orochi, thusly named because of his serpentine mask that covers his entire face," Hide nearly laughed as the dude explaining tried to sound mysterious. He must have been in high school. "He plays the bass, but when he sings, the crowd always goes wild."

"Usagi is the only girl of the band, and she plays the guitar closer up to the front of the stage. If she starts jumping, you start jumping, we call it bunny hopping. Her mask covers her lower face, like Ri-da's, but has the nose and mouth of a rabbit." From under the hood she always wore, blonde, almost light pink hair spilled out, and the fans often fought over whether it was a wig or her natural hair, Hide silently added, but he had a feeling the two high schoolers in front of him weren't concerned with her hair by the way the newbie was gawking at her legs.

"Hehe, if you're close enough to the front, they say you can see up her skirt when she hops." The two chuckled a bit, and Hide felt bile rise in his throat.

"Hey assholes, Usagi is a person, not an object. Don't treat her like one." Hide hissed, feeling defensive of the poor girl. Rumor had it she was only in high school.

"Hey, man, if she don't wanna get looked at, then why's she on stage?" One of them laughed, and Hide was forced to drop the matter when Shiro finally made his debut. He tried to let the appearance of his favorite performer ease the burn of anger, but even the familiar white hair, the dark eyepatch that stood out against his pale skin, the one kakugen eye, the tight leather couldn't distract him. He just wanted to get close enough to Shiro to maybe learn his name, not a color, how he got into music, where he gets his lyrics from. Hide's heard these songs hundreds of times, and he ran his fingers over the cool metal of his tape recorder in his pocket, waiting to record the scoop of the century instead of rock music. The blonde just couldn't get into the right headspace, and, after the show ended with each member wishing them well, Hide spared a single, lingering glance at Shiro before he left for his apartment.

As Hide layed in bed, his mind tossed a very unwelcome idea around. He desperately wanted to meet Shiro, to find out what made him tick, and even had maybe a little crush on him. Hide groaned as he grabbed his headphones from his nightstand, slipping them snugly over his ears. He clicked on a tinny recording of a Shiro solo, and wondered if he was a hypocrite for judging those high schoolers at the concert...

oOo

"Kaneki Ken."

"Sasaki Haise."

"_Shiro_." Kaneki sighed and slipped his white wig off of his natural, dark-colored hair. There was something about the way that Shiro rolled off his tongue that bothered him. Ah well, he would have liked Sasaki better, but Rize said it was probably _for_ the better that the fans nicknamed him something simpler. _Fans_. Kaneki's stomach rolled. Even after two years, he couldn't believe his luck. Touka slipped into his dressing room, which was really just a fancy term for "_the empty room I put your duffel bag of clothes in, Kaneki-kun~" _as he removed his eyepatch, hating the way his eyes looked so mismatched. Kaneki quickly let his ghoul eye revert to a normal grey as Touka walks over to the far side of the small room to lean against the wall.

"You were off your game tonight, loser." She deadpans, locking eyes with him in the mirror. She still had her wig and kakugen on, but she had taken off her mask and changed into her shorts and jacket. He bites his lip, contemplating his options. Touka moves to him, laying a reassuring (or threatening- he can never tell with her) hand on his shoulder, and he relents. Nishiki would laugh at his lack of resistance.

"Touka, it's the middle of the week. I'm worried about falling behind in class, see. My grades have been lagging, especially for-"

"Yeah, yeah, a student of your caliber, jeez." Kaneki thought she might tease him more, but she got quiet. It was moments like these that made him remember why they were friends in the first place.

"I feel you. That stupid Nishiki thinks he can boss us around, but we're still concerned about school. I'll try and make sure that we only do shows on weekends or holidays, for both of us, alright Kaneki?" The half-ghoul smiled. She tried to make it seem like she did things for herself, but Touka was a marshmallow at heart. Now, if only Nishiki were so easy to read... As if summoned by his thoughts, the ghoul himself burst through the door.

"What's this about 'stupid Nishiki', moron?" He spat, leaving the door wide open and leaning against the wall. He held up a hand to Touka, who looked ready to tear his head off, and looked to Kaneki.

"You realize that this decision will drastically reduce our income, right? And the only one with a stable job is Touka? At any rate, Rize-san's not going to like it, Kaneki." He fought down the urge to downplay his need for this change- he drew his courage from Shiro's persona, instead of his usual selfless demeanor.

"Nishio-senpai, though I realize it might be troubling for you, Touka and I need to do well in school as well as onstage." Nishiki's face contorted in disdain for Kaneki's nickname and at the subtle implication that he didn't care about his schoolwork. Nice one, Shiro. Touka muttered something that only Nishiki could hear, something that might have been agreement, and he rounded on her. Kaneki stifled a fit of laughter as the two fought, trading insults and the usual banter. He made the mistake of resting his tired eyes for just a second too long, regaining enough sense to make out Banjou's voice before he totally passed out for the night.

When Kaneki woke, it was groggily and reluctantly. For all the things that could be said about him, a morning person he was not. Inwardly cringing at the thought of poorly made quick-coffee, Kaneki motivated himself to get dressed and act like a functioning member of society with the promise of Anteiku coffee instead. Humming under his breath, he toed on his shoes, gave himself a quick glance in the mirror, and started off for the café. The sunlight outside seemed to assault his eyes, and Kaneki had to stifle a yawn more than once. Vaguely, the half-ghoul wondered how many hours early of sleep he got last night, and he concluded not many, as he spent a good portion of time pushing the _pull _door of Anteiku.

However, the sight of a familiar stranger sitting at his usual table, _his table_, was like an unbidden shot of espresso. He hesitantly approached the blonde, who looked up at his approach. A thousand-watt smile that made Kaneki feel warm inside graced his tired features as he held up a book. When Kaneki read the title, his eyes widened.

"Hehe, I thought I owed you one after ruining your copy. It's actually pretty good, but I don't know why anyone would write something that made their readers feel incredibly horrible." He chirped, flagging a waiter down. Before Kaneki could get a word out, the blonde was back to speaking.

"I'll have a cappuccino today, please! And whatever this lovely gentleman is having, thank you~" the stranger ordered, and Kaneki hid his embarrassment by sitting down and studying the other. He was much too kind to refuse the charity of someone, especially if he felt guilty after the other day. His clothes were very loud, bright colors, that matched his personality and his infectious attitude. He reminded Kaneki of a sunflower. It took a moment before he realized that the waiter was still waiting for his order, and he flushed.

"Um, just black for me, please, and thank you," Kaneki couldn't miss the teasing smile that played at the blonde's lips, and he turned his head down, hiding his face. So shy- _so cowardly_.

"Hmm. I'm Hideyoshi, but please, call me Hide. Have we met before? You seem awfully familiar." The stranger, er, Hide asked, and Kaneki tried to mask his panic. He remembered that the blonde was buying 20th Ward tickets, and one slip up could cost the half-ghoul his cover. He noted the headphones around Hide's neck, and concluded that he must be a huge music fan, paired with the enthusiasm for his concert, did not bode well for Kaneki.

"K-Kaneki Ken. And no, I don't think I've met you before today, sorry..." He tried to sound demure, apologetic, so un-Shiro like that he hardly believed himself.

"Oh, no worries, man, I was just curious!" Their coffee then was delivered by none other than Touka, who gave Kaneki a patronizing grin, before strutting off. Kaneki and Hide spent the next few minutes discussing Takatsuki Sen, and why Kaneki found their novels so enticing. He made sure not to get too personal of course, something that Hide definitely picked up on, but didn't mention. By the time Touka returned to get their empty cups, Hide was once again studying the half-ghoul's face.

"Hide-kun, thank you so much for the coffee, and the book, but I really must be getting to class," Kaneki cloaked the worry in his voice with gratefulness, an emotion that he didn't have to fake. It had been a long while since anyone had gone out of his way to help him. He rushed off before Hide could say much else, or before he said something incriminating.

"Huh, he certainly is an interesting fellow, isn't he?" Hide mused as he paid for the coffee, startling a laugh out of his waitress.

"Oh, he's not nearly that interesting, I think he just has a crush on you, sir. I've never seen him act like that." She continued laughing to herself, as if at an inside joke. Hide shook his head, laughing silently at the strange man with the oversized sweaters and bad taste in literature as he departed, calling a final "_thanks!" _at the door.

oOo

Hide observed the world with his sight alone, ears being blown out by some poppy cover of an Orochi-centered song. He could never ever get a recording good enough of the bassist. He sighed as his thoughts wandered along with his feet, unable to truly focus since his encounter with Kaneki. There was just something about him that was alluring to Hide, but he hadn't returned to the coffee shop. Hide was wrong about him being a creature of habit, then. Wrong. Well, he knew what they said about assuming. Looking up from his shuffling feet, he realized that he had no clue where he was. Aw, great. Taking a deep, calming breath, he turned in the direction of the brightest building, as he was in a quite run-down part of town.

It was a music store, Hide saw with a bit of excitement. That quickly evaporated, however, at the sight of a threatening-looking ghoul standing behind the counter on the right-hand side of the store. His eyes belayed his nature, and the red pupils followed him eerily as he hesitantly entered.

"Good afternoon, young man. Follow me." A tall, white haired man who Hide could easily guess was also a ghoul invited him further back into the store, to where they stocked the CDs. He browsed carefully, cautiously, planning to buy some random item and abscond, until something amazing caught his eye.

"No way..." he murmured, sliding the 20th Ward CD off of the shelves, and holding it up to the worker.

"Ah, yes. We are currently the only store to carry 20th Ward merchandise, although we hear they're looking to expand." He smiled, and Hide decided he liked this man a lot more than the pierced, dark-eyed ghoul at the front. A bell chimes distantly as Hide studies the back- 10 amazing songs, all hopefully recorded in an actual studio!

"Wow. This is amazing! I've been following 20th Ward for almost two years, listening to crappy recordings on my phone, God, I love them." Hide raved, and nearly squealed when Kaneki's head poked out from behind a shelf. He seemed a bit flushed- was he blushing?

"Hide-kun! It's been a while, hasn't it?" Kaneki laughed, surprised, walking over to the white haired man.

"Yomo-san, I need guitar strings. Please." Hide felt his heart pound at the sight of the familiar stranger, a feeling very foreign to him blooming in his chest. Hmm, how interesting indeed.

"For the guitar, or for the bass?" The teasing question made it seem as though Kaneki had been in this position before. Hey. Could he play the guitar?

"Ah, the bass, please. _Someone _cut the old ones..." Yomo-san barked out a laugh and walked off, presumably to find the strings, leaving Hide and Kaneki alone. Hide felt an unbidden fluttering in his stomach. Why was he so nervous?

"Um, do you play, Kaneki? The guitar, I mean?" Kaneki looked from the spot in the wall that he was burning a hole in to Hide, raising his eyebrows.

"Yeah, but I'm buying these for a friend..." Hide thought he was going to let the subject drop into more awkward silence, but yet again, the dark-haired man surprised him. "Do you play, Hide? Or just listen?"

"N-no, I just listen, though I did take those stupid piano lessons when I was a kid. None of it stuck, it was just so boring!" Hide replied, running a hand through his hair. He needed to rectify this awkwardness. Mission become friends was a go!

"Ahaha, I took lessons too, although I can still play pretty well." Kaneki laughed, but Hide could sense an underlying tint of nervousness in his tone. He didn't like talking about himself? Or maybe just talking in general? Why was Kaneki so unusually difficult to read...?

"Hey, you seem kinda nervous. Is it being in this part of town, or just me that's making you all flustered?" Ok wow Hide brain-to-mouth filter engage! Kaneki sputtered, and Hide panicked. But then Kaneki took a deep breath.

"Actually, I come here quite often... so I guess it must be the latter." Kaneki muttered, unable to keep the heat from his face. Woah. Was Kaneki flirting with him? And so shyly, too. How cute! Hide flashed a smile that he hoped was reassuring, and was suddenly stuck by inspiration. He turned and his eyes roved the back wall, looking for- yes!

"Here, I have a good CD in my hand right now, and I think it'd do you good to take a listen." Hide said, and Kaneki's eyes flashed something like fear. Hide didn't know what to make of that. He popped the CD in, looking at the back of the case for the song he wanted. Satisfied, he turned back to Kaneki, who honestly looked like he was about to be sick.

"Are you alright? Do you need to sit down?" Hide asked as the music started to play. Orochi's voice wrapped around them, without any instruments backing him.

_If I hurt you_

_Would you leave me_

_Or forgive me _

_Even though I don't deserve you..._

Hide smiled as Kaneki started to relax, looking tentatively from the CD player to Hide. Shiro's part kicked in, and Hide could almost feel the emotion coiled in his words. Kaneki looked contemplative, listening.

_If you leave, where would I go?_

_Because you, you are my home,_

_And I fall into you like I do..._

Hide closed his eyes and imagined that Shiro was singing directly to him, and he could almost believe it, now that he could clearly hear the music. The guitars kicked in, taking the piece from almost sad to something like anger. The drums beat at Hide's heart, and he almost completely forgot Kaneki was there with him.

"You know, two years ago, I hated myself." Hide started, surprising Kaneki. Hide was quiet. Why was he telling Kaneki this? The music behind his words strengthened him, though, and he pressed on.

"I realized all of my relationships were superficial, and I wasn't really living at all. I was thinking about..." He trailed off, and the look on Kaneki's face told him that he knew exactly what Hide couldn't say.

"But then," Hide's voice cracked, holy shit, was he crying, half-smiling, "I found 20th Ward, and the very first song I listened to was _Leaving It Behind_. It's about dying, and fearing that no one will remember you when you're gone, and whether it would be worth it to voluntarily die. Shiro, that's the singer, I think he saved my life. Um, so this band means a lot to me. Because I realized I didn't want to be forgotten, and so I started going out of my way to help people, to always have a smile on my face. People remember me now, even if they don't get my name, and who knows? Maybe they needed that little pick me up, I don't know. But... yeah. I'm sorry for troubling you..." Hide finished sheepishly, noticing that Kaneki looked like he was about to cry. But then, he smiled the biggest that Hide's ever seen him.

"I'm glad you're here, Hide." He said, softly, and makes his way back towards the front. Hide doesn't miss the way he blushes all the way to his roots, though, and he doesn't ignore the airy, soft warm feeling that he gets at the sight. Hide listens to the music a bit longer, daydreaming about Kaneki Ken.

_How do you stand it, I'll never understand_

_The way you don't shudder at the touch of my hand_

_I am broken, broken, broken_

_When you look at me, what can you see?_

_Do you see the scars that make me, me?_

_Or do you see a mess, a mess that's _

_Broken, broken after all?_

Hide ejects the CD with a small smile, putting it back in the case and going to the counter. Both the white haired man, Yomo, and the other ghoul stood behind it, though the latter was no longer leering at him. He put the CD up to pay for it, and Yomo simply bagged it and handed it back.

"It's already paid for. Enjoy it, alright?" Yomo smiled, and Hide grinned back. If Kaneki thought he could get away with this, oh boy, had he thought wrong...

oOo

Kaneki only returned when he was sure Hide had left, CD in hand and a dopey smile on his face. Oh, Hide. He thought back to what the blonde had said as he approached Uta and Yomo. _"I think he saved my life._"

"Yomo-san, Uta-san," he began, getting their attention. "Touka and I can only do performances that don't interfere with our school times. Can you call Rize-san?"

"Always getting us to do your dirty work, _Haise_." Uta muttered, leaning forward on the counter. "And who gives up their career for education? It's absurd..."

"Don't listen to him, Kaneki. We dropped out without second thought, and look at us now, running a music store and helping a band of unruly brats. I don't advise it." Yomo said dryly, pulling out his cell-phone.

"Would you like Rize's number, just in case?" Yomo asked, dialing.

"No, thank you. She'd just change it too quickly, and Banjou would hound me for it. And I'm not _giving up_, I'm just prioritizing." Kaneki said, watching carefully as Rize predictably didn't answer. Yomo held out the phone to him, and he glared as the _beep_ played.

"Rize-san, it's Shiro. We need to talk about our concert dates. Please call back or visit so that we can discuss my concerns. Thank you." He said smoothly, earning an impressed look from Uta.

"One thing you do have down is your stage personality, Kaneki. The way you can switch between yourselves so easily makes me almost envious."

"Thank you, I think."

"Speaking of personality, who was Sunshine? And why did you seem so flustered, hmm?" Yomo teased, smirking at Kaneki's blush.

"Ah, no, he's just a fan! And it's always weird to listen to my own music, you know!" Kaneki deflected, and Yomo and Uta shared a glance.

"Oh really, Kaneki?" Uta said, passing him a piece of paper. It took Kaneki a moment to process the scrawled handwriting, and when he realized what he was reading, his heart fluttered.

_dammit kaneki, now i owe you one again. txt me sometime, we can work something out~ Hide_

Beneath that, Hide's number was written out with a smiley face tacked on the end. Oh, my. God. Hide was amazing. Kaneki tucked the paper in his pocket, ignoring Uta's leering grin.

Bonus 1- Touka

When Touka was small, her father would often say, _"Music is like a light in the dark, Touka! With it, you can never ever get lost. Rely on music, because it can get you through anything." _She believed him- when she scraped her knees, he'd softly sing to her, and she'd feel immensely better. When she was scared, he'd help her play a chord on his guitar. When she wanted to stop going to school because the other kids said they didn't want to play with a ghoul, he let her, and she learned music instead. And when her little brother went through any of this, she would sing for him, play for him.

Music tied their small family together. Whenever they couldn't afford the synthetic meat that would drastically rise in price from time to time, he would teach them a new song and encourage them to not lose themselves, to never lose themselves. Ayato didn't take to it as much, but to Touka, music was a lifeline. By the time she was 8, she could play the guitar and read music. And by the time she was 9, her father was deep into a drug addiction and the underworld of Tokyo. Touka was left to raise Ayato by herself, with little help from her dad, until he died when she was 11, leaving her and Ayato completely alone.

Well, that wasn't entirely true. Because they had his guitar, and she played for money while she sent Ayato to school, until she was old enough to hold a job, and then she only played in her free time. Until Ayato realized the true cruelty of the world, when he turned on Touka, calling her a coward for hiding behind her music instead of facing her problems. Their fights slowly increased in interval and intensity, until he finally left, with one final bite that she was going to die just like Dad- alone, and a coward. At that moment, she put up her guitar and her dreams, throwing herself into her work to hide her grief. To distract herself, she re-entered school. She became cold, and hard. She didn't want to be hurt like that ever again.

Ayato was right. She was a coward.

In her first year of high school, she had no friends, no family, just her job and her school work. She struggled to make ends meet, and she was horribly, horribly lonely.

oOo

Touka studied the dark-haired boy with his head down, wiping down her tray absentmindedly. Seeing that no one else was bothering to serve him, Touka huffed and straightened her uniform. It was way too early in the morning for bullshit, and she had to go to school in just over an hour.

"Good morning, sir. May I take your order?" She forced her voice to be cheery and light, though she could sense the plastic quality herself, and winced internally. He raised his head sharply, and Touka was shocked to see tear tracks on his cheeks.

"Excuse me, sir..." She trailed off, recognizing her own agony in his big, grey eyes. Well, eye- one was covered by a medical eyepatch. She blushed and he seemed to panic for a moment.

"Oh, no, no, please, I'm so sorry to have troubled you! I'll take... ah. Just a black coffee, I guess." He sounded forlorn, and Touka felt her heart clench. Oh no, no, no, she couldn't get sucked in to anything. As if flipping a switch, she choked down her feelings and scuttled off to get his drink, unable to keep her mind from wondering how she could help him. When she brought him his coffee, he looked a bit better, but not much. He looked gaunt, and pale, like he hadn't eaten in a while. That, she could understand.

"Here's your drink. And don't worry, it's on me, alright?" She mustered a smile, hating that someone felt as bad as she had once. The boy looked up at her, expression teetering from grateful to reluctance. Reluctance to accept her pity. Yet another thing she understood well. She sighed, and prepared to leave again, when he spoke.

"Hey... do you go to high school around here?" He asked, tentatively bringing a hand up to touch his chin thoughtfully. "Aren't you that sophmore that beat up those seniors when they were teasing you?" His eyes widened, and he flushed beet red, as if he said something he shouldn't have.

"They weren't teasing me. They were _stereotyping _me. And it wasn't just me, either. They were picking on younger kids, too, though they leave that out when they talk about me, huh?" Touka replied, not angry, just tired. Besides, she was too distant to actually _care _about what people said behind her back. Wasn't she?

"Stereotyping?" The dark-haired boy questioned aloud. Almost as if he were actually concerned.

"I'm a ghoul." She bit shortly, waiting for him to scoot back or avert his eyes.

"O-oh..." Alright, Touka was finished, she didn't want to talk to customers anymore, she didn't want to talk to anyone-

"Can you help me?" He pleaded softly, and Touka's eyes shot back down to him, pausing with her tray trembling slightly in her hands. Her? Help? She couldn't, she wasn't good enough, wasn't strong enough-

"Oh, well, I mean, I hardly know you, I'm so sorry, miss! It's just-" his fists clenched on the table, and he met her eyes. "I really need someone, and I think we might have met for a reason? I mean... I think you need someone too." Touka let the tray clatter back on the table, uncaring of the looks drawn their way. Years of pent up grief were welling up within her, unbidden, and she watched, slightly fascinated, as the boy slowly raised his patch a bit to reveal a single kakugen eye.

Touka suddenly realized that she had seen his face before, though not as drawn and colorless. He was in an accident a while ago, and he had to have emergency transplants, but there was a... mixup.

His family, who wasn't even his family, just distant relatives, abandoned him.

He'd had to adjust to a completely new lifestyle- students said he couldn't eat in the cafeteria anymore, and he nearly never left his apartment.

He reminded her so much of herself that she found her mouth compulsively moving, her body seemingly acting on autopilot as she sat across from him.

"Of course I'll help you," and she didn't even have to fake the sincerity in her tone.

oOo

"You'll want to set your fridge to a lower temperature- the synthetic meat doesn't keep long under normal circumstances, and we need to do all we can to preserve it," Touka instructed, setting her groceries on Kaneki's kitchen counter. A few weeks had passed since they met, and Touka was slowly easing him into her life. It was hard, but he needed her (_needed her_) and admittedly, she needed him too. It had been so long since she actually talked to someone, let alone had any friends.

"Why is it so expensive...?" Kaneki muttered bitterly, following Touka's direction and adjusting the refrigerator.

"What are you even complaining about, I'm the one with money," she snaps, but he knows her well enough by now that her biting tone doesn't faze him. He huffs, and flushes, but she's helping to build his confidence, as he _does_ whisper something that she _could _have heard, but chose not to. She's so proud. Her fingers itch, and she remembers the gift in her hoodie pocket, a sort of celebratory gift for her friend.

"Hey, Kaneki, come here, close your eyes, and hold your hands out." He obeys almost immediately, and she feels like punching him in the face just because she can. Always stay alert. Instead, suppressing her laughter as she imagined the look on his face, she placed the box in his open palms.

"Alright, loser, open." Kaneki smiles softly and complies, lifting the lid of his gift, but his face stretched wide into an actual grin when he laid his eyes on what was inside. She felt light-headed, almost like a hot air balloon. Was this what being nice felt like? How did Kaneki stand it?

"I'm going to put it on right now, if that's alright?" She nodded, unable to help the small smile that worked itself onto her lips. She followed him into his bedroom, where he had one of those desks with a mirror set on top. Oh, she hadn't been back here before. It was plain, understated, just like Kaneki himself. How appropriate. He held the velvet and silk eyepatch with one hand, removing the old, hospital one.

The eyepatch was black, with white and red thread sewn in on the velvet side to create and eye catching pattern. The other side was soft, and Touka had made sure to ask if it could be worn for long periods of time. As Kaneki slipped it on, almost reverently, she wondered if he'd ever be confident enough to go without it. She chased that thought away. Of course he could- she had faith in him. As he admired himself, she turned away with a smile, looking for any bit of personality in the room, the house. Kaneki once told her that he _had _no personality, or at least, one of any merit. Something leaning against the wall in the closet caught her eye, the familiar shape opening a floodgate of uncomfortable memories.

"Kaneki, do you play guitar?" Touka turned back to him, and he nodded, once.

"Ah, I didn't have the best childhood, and music was always a great outlet. Got me through some bad times... though I haven't needed it lately," and she knew he meant that she had become his light in the dark. Tears sprang to her eyes, and she shuffled in the direction of the instrument, looking back to Kaneki to ask for permission. If he noticed her tears, he didn't say anything, and made a _go ahead _motion with his long fingers. He could probably play piano, too.

She carefully pulled the guitar to her, muscle memory allowing her to hold it confidently and correctly. She strummed a few chords, and then began playing a song that she learned around the time she dropped out of school. Her fingers may have slipped a few times, but the weight and the feel of the strings reassured her, almost like her father was still covering her hands with his own, guiding her. She almost dropped the instrument when Kaneki started singing quietly behind her, turning instead to see him watching her with a smile.

"I loved that song when I was a kid." He explained, and Touka's fingers stilled. Kaneki looked contemplative for a moment, and Touka longed to fill the silence with her, uh, Keneki's, guitar. God, she had missed this.

"Hey, thanks for this. Oh, and you've got a decent voice, too." He smiled and nodded, and then smiled wider, making her feel a bit nervous.

"Touka, I've just had an idea," he finally states, coming over to pull Touka in front of the mirror with him, guitar and all.

"Music is important to both of us. Music is important, period. What if we... what if we could..." And suddenly, Touka understood, as she understood Kaneki. Her heart quickened. Could they? Should they? They were only in high school... and they'd need stuff, more instruments, songs, but... would it be worth it? Touka looked down at the guitar in her hands. A lifeline.

"Hell yeah, Kaneki. Let's start a band."


	2. Chapter 2

"This isn't a date..." Kaneki softly reminded himself, in order to pacify his racing heart. He almost succeeds in calming down, until the table vibrates under his drumming fingers. His eyes dart to his phone, and he can't help but smile at the text.

_Hide: hey, almost there if u havnt ordered yet pls pls pls get me a coffee with like six maybe seven sugars and alot of cream ok tysm xxx_

Ugh, Hide had atrocious texting habits, but Kaneki warms at the digital kisses tagged on to the end, then stops himself. Not a date. Right. Hide was just a very loving person, very outgoing, almost no boundaries or respect for them. Kaneki shook his head, then signaled a waitress over. Hmm, she must have just started working. Kaneki tries to be pleasant when ordering, but his people skills are so out of practice, he thinks he must have come across as rude, or at least disinterested. He bit down his apology, though, as she whisked away to fetch the drinks.

With his task out of the way, Kaneki's mind wanders back to Hide. It's done a lot of that lately, and the way the blonde had latched on to him helped nothing. The half-ghoul had managed to scrounge up enough courage after his latest show, last weekend (and no he hadn't searched for Hide's face in the crowd, pshhhh) to text his- _friend? acquaintance?_-, and Hide hadn't stopped since. Every once in a while, over the course of the week, his studying or the like would be interrupted by Hide, with the most random-est things-

_Hide: watching this tv show. do u watch tv? u need to watch this it is like so good u won't even believe bro _

_Hide: had to make own coffee this morning, nothing tastes as good as Anteiku omg esp not the crap that i make _

_Hide: passed by a bookstore on a walk. thought of u, big nerd. also i think ur book made me change my outlook on life. i feel rly cynical lol what have u done _

Although he felt like he could write a biography on Hide, the blonde knew next to nothing about him, giving him a bit of a guilty, leaden feeling. He didn't want to burden Hide, but at the same time he knew he was being selfish. Hide knew basically his address and a bit about his childhood, which Hide thankfully didn't pity him for. The bell over the door announced Hide's presence before Kaneki smelled him, and no, that wasn't creepy at all. Hide bounces over to their table, sliding into the chair across from him. Hide had a very distinct scent, almost floral, but nice. In a totally, not-food way, of course.

"Boy, am I glad it's Friday, Kaneki!" He nearly shouts, but smiles sheepishly at a few patrons' sharp looks.

"Hard week?" Kaneki asked, passing him his (disgusting) coffee that had been delivered a few moments earlier. Hide grinned in thanks and brought the cup up to his mouth to blow on it a few times.

"Not really, it just went really slow for me. I've been distracted lately." The look that Hide gave him made Kaneki feel kind of nervous. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Touka with rolls of posters in her hand. Oh, right, they had a gig tomorrow. He was going to ask Hide to hang out, and his mood soured a bit as Hide shot straight up.

"Are those...?" Hide whispered excitedly, and Kaneki reluctantly turned to where the blonde was pointing. Yep, those were his posters, and as Touka stapled the last one up, she gave him an annoyingly knowing look. And he thought she was on his side. Before he could protest, Hide had pulled him up out of the chair and from the table, to the back wall. Kaneki thinks he might trip Touka during one of her solos tomorrow night, listening to Hide gush about 20th Ward was beginning to grate on the half-ghoul's nerves.

"Sorry, man, but these tickets go surprisingly fast, and they're always so randomly announced! It's part of the gimmick, I think." Hide said, punching numbers into his phone. The ticket selling was a gimmick, not that he could tell Hide, one could only buy a ticket after putting in a series of numbers found on one of five posters. It was the manager's idea, although it made it unnecessarily difficult to attend a live show. Thank god for Youtube.

"Hey... do you, uh, wanna come with me? I think you'd like it." Hide said, not taking his eyes off of his phone, but Kaneki thought he saw his cheeks darken a bit. Holy crap was Hide asking him out on a date that he couldn't go on because Hide was going to see him perform. What.

"I'm sorry, Hide. I'm busy tomorrow." And that wasn't a lie- they would be setting up from morning up to the actual concert.

"It's at night, and we only have to stay for like, one song. I really just wanna see Shiro, I mean, I have the CD, so-"

"No thank you, Hide." Kaneki felt like he sounded a bit harsh, but he couldn't help it. That sentence confirmed his worst nightmares- Hide was a Shiro fanboy. Fuck, fuck, fuck. How was he supposed to compete with _himself_, especially when Shiro was at least a thousand times cooler, calmer, _better _than him. He still feels like shit for shutting down Hide like that, though, so as they walk back to the table, he breaks the tense silence.

"Hide, maybe we could listen to the CD some other time. It'd be like the concert, without the crowd. And screaming." Hide looked at him doubtfully, visibly mulling it over.

"Well, you do have a point. It isn't the best place to take a- someone." Hide amended as they sat back down, coffee now cool enough to drink. As they finish their coffee, shooting small smiles at each other, Kaneki keeps an ear on the TV playing in the background. The news switches on, and both he and Hide look up to watch.

"This just in, the CCG is announcing another rise in price of synthetic meat, due to a handful of the factories being mysteriously attacked by a band of rogue ghouls. We have a statement from the manager and co-founder of the company who manufactures the meat." The perky blonde news reporter says, and Kaneki's heart sinks into his stomach. A few of the ghouls around the table directly under the TV groan in annoyance, and one of them bangs his fist on the table angrily. They manage to quiet in order to hear Yoshimura, the manager, speak.

"It saddens me to think that individuals want things to return to darker times, times before we thought coexistence could be possible. I was there, hiding in the shadows, struggling to survive in the human world. And now, with the CCG supporting ghoul's rights and my own company, I am seeing my dream of my daughter growing up without hiding or being hunted come true. I do not want that dream to be tainted by ghouls or humans that have malicious or destructive intent. I only hope that the doves will be able to find and stop those who wish to put a blemish on this peaceful era. Thank you." The manager's kind face disappeared from the screen, replaced by the anchor. Hide whistled lowly as a wide shot of the area scrolled across.

"Man, they must have been angry. And there must have been a lot of them, too."

"I can't believe there are ghouls out there who... want to be treated like monsters," Kaneki said, drawing his eyebrows together. Hide nodded, looking pensive.

"It must be hard enough as it is now, let alone what it must have been like," and, apparently seeing something in Kaneki's face, tacked this on. "You're so brave, Kaneki. You know that, right?" The half-ghoul flushed, both at the compliment and what it implied.

"It's cool, Kaneki. I figured it out. And I can also tell you don't think very highly of yourself. That's not cool, man. We're gonna have to work on that." Hide reprimanded, reaching over to pat Kaneki's clenched hand. Kaneki remained frozen, despite the broiling heat in his face and in his heart, as Hide downed his coffee and reminded him to text before he left. Kaneki sat there for a while, thinking... Was Hide worth it?

The sun hit his face as he walked outside, and Kaneki looked up. Yeah, he needed a little more sun in his life.

oOo

The next day, Kaneki left his house before the sun rose, cheap cup of gas station coffee in his hands. He input the venue's address into his phone with one hand, thankful that it wasn't a super long walk. Even with the coffee cup transmitting a bit of heat to his fingers, the morning air still nipped at his ears and nose, prompting him to walk a bit faster than usual.

When he arrived, Banjou and Nishiki were already hard at work, moving the amplifiers to their marked places up on stage. Taking one more pull out of his cup, Kaneki set it aside and went to go grab the instruments and hook them up. He was still groggy, but he had managed to go to sleep early enough, no thanks owed to Hide, who live-texted him through a marathon of that show that he liked so much, "_as penance for the Takatsuki book._". He checked the strings on both Touka's guitar and Nishiki's, thankfully in place, in tune, and uncut. The door creaked open again, and Kaneki turned to see Touka and Rize walk through it. Judging by the look on Touka's face, the manager had been talking her ear off, as she was prone to do.

"Now, Touka-chan, I'd like to advise you to be more punctual, like your friends here!" Behind Rize's back, Touka mimed choking her out, and Kaneki couldn't turn his head away fast enough to hide his grin.

"Ah, Kaneki-kun, happy to see me, as always! What was so pressing that you had to change your concert dates to weekends and holidays only, hmm?" It was impossible to miss the sugary-sweet malice in her tone. However, Kaneki was at work, which meant that he was brave, controlled.

"I need time to focus on my studies, Rize-san. Touka and Nishiki would benefit as well from the change." Kaneki answered, placing the instruments on their stands.

"But Kaneki-kun," she faux-whined, coming over to slide her hands over his shoulders. "You already refuse to tour, and you just now started selling CDs. How am I, as your loving manager, to allow such a drastic change in your work schedule?" Kaneki tried to suppress his shiver as her words blew air into his ear, steeling his nerves. Touka spoke for him, drawing Rize's attention to her.

"I'm only in high school, and even though Kaneki and Nishiki are in college, we all need to graduate with good grades to get more financially stable jobs. We would be able to pay you more, and even do a tour. But we need our education first." Ah, appealing directly to Rize's gluttonous nature. Smart, Touka. Currently, Uta and Yomo were able to pitch in once and a while, and Touka and Banjou both had part time jobs, but they weren't bringing in enough cash to satisfy her, really.

Her cool fingers released their grip on Kaneki, and he was able to breathe normally again. They all watched warily as she tapped her lips with one finger, thinking.

"Fine. But we have to make more merchandise to sell to make up for this, Kaneki-kun. Remember, I only have your best interests in mind! And I'm going to need the pitches for the accessories tonight, before you all perform. Good luck. I'll be watching." Her tone left no room for negotiation, and the implied threat paired with her wide, toothy grin would have stopped them from arguing anyway.

Rize flipped her long, purple hair back over her shoulders, strutting towards the door. Before she left, she offered one final comment, sweeping the room with her mischievous eyes. "By the way, we're already sold out for tonight! So extra good luck!"

And with that, she was gone.

"God, she's a fucking nightmare." Nishiki said, grunting as he helped Banjou lift his drums onstage. Banjou glared a bit, but really couldn't protest. Despite his crush on the woman, he couldn't deny her faults. Touka nearly ripped her jacket off, setting it by Kaneki's coffee.

"She's the worst thing that ever happened to 20th Ward. Literally. Nishiki was doing just fine as our manager, she's just a cash obsessed bi-" Touka ranted, but Nishiki cut her off.

"Why, was that an almost-compliment, Touka?" He leered, and she rounded on him, pausing on her way to assist Kaneki.

"So help me, damn Nishiki, I will cut the strings on your bass-"

"Oh, now you're threatening to sabotage everyone, really smart thing to-

"Shut the hell up before I come over there and-

"And what? I could beat you blindfolded, you-"

"Alright!" Kaneki yelled, and Banjou started laughing so hard, tears streamed from his eyes.

"God, I love this job," he managed to get out, leaning on his drum kit to remain standing. Kaneki smiled tersely, shaking his head. Touka finally came over to help him, and he had to swat her hands away from Nishiki's guitar multiple times, persuading her to check the sound system instead. She grumbled, making one last swipe for the bass, and Kaneki smacked her forehead.

oOo

Hide laughed triumphantly as he ran up to the old warehouse, parking lot completely empty. Four hours early was apparently enough time to get good seats, and a good view of the stage. Though, for some reason, he felt a bit less excited than usual, and he suddenly registered that he was _lonely_. Ah, he wanted Kaneki here with him, and even the thought of seeing Shiro couldn't quite quell the feeling. He was sort of shocked by the realization. Huh. Oh, well scratch being the only one. A well dressed man was hanging out by the doors, sticking out like a sore thumb.

Oh.

Oh no.

A chill ran down his spine as he recognized Tsukiyama Shuu, the purple weirdo that always hung around, stalking 20th Ward. In a really creepy, hostile way, not the normal teenage girl way. However, he couldn't slow himself as he entered the ghoul's line of sight, not liking the way his eyes lit up. Hide was suddenly struck by inspiration, and his hand shot to the recorder he always kept on him. Would Tsukiyama know anything personal about Shiro? About the band? A feeling like cold water washed over him as Hide actually thought about it. Asking a creep for a statement, that was really low. And kind of wrong. Shamefully, Hide watched as Tsukiyama merely grinned at him, then walked the other direction, disappearing into the darkness. Ugh.

Hide tentatively opened the doors of the warehouse, ticket in his pocket feeling heavy. Was he even supposed to be in here? Well, obviously not, this building was targeted for demolition, but the dark, abandoned venue added to the atmosphere. He looked around inside, wondering how close he could actually stand to the stage, when he noticed someone on it. No. No, not someone. Holy fucking shit, it was Shiro. Hide felt his mouth fall open, midstep, and the ghoul turned, as if sensing him. Hhhh. He seemed to freeze, before jumping right of the stage like some sort of predatory cat, oh God. Hide took a moment to let it sink in as Shiro walked towards him, the white hair, the patterned eyepatch, the _leather holy shit_.

Shiro's steely gray eye is judging and cold, and it makes Hide feel like he is being seared from the inside, and also, somehow strikes him as vaguely familiar.

"You're a bit early, aren't you?" Shiro's voice is smooth, and it washes over Hide like rain. His mouth moves and no sound comes out, _cmon Hideyoshi get it together man_.

"I'm, uh, a big fan!" He squeaked, and inwardly cringed at how immature he sounded. A smirk played at Shiro's pale lips, eye glinting with humor.

"Hello, big fan, I'm Shiro. Thank you for coming tonight." Shiro reaches out a hand, and it takes Hide a moment to realize that he's supposed to shake it. Hide, face probably as red as a tomato, takes his hand with trembling fingers.

"You can let go now." Shiro prompted, still teasing, and Hide jerked his hand back. Oh god, he just held it, didn't shake or anything, Shiro must think he's an idiot-

"Hmm, I can see that you're uncomfortable, so I'll just go back to fixing that speaker. It and Orochi's foot got a bit too friendly, and now it has to be hooked up just right to function." Shiro laughs, preparing to turn away, before a call from the back caught both of their attention.

"Shiro, Usagi and Orochi are- ow, _hell_\- trying to break more stuff back here!" They heard Ri-da's desperate plea for help, and Hide bathed in the laugh that rang out of the ghoul, just as musical as his singing voice. Oh dear, Hide thought he might be in love.

"Let me go take care of that. Oh, and here-" Shiro tossed him a black bracket with _20th Ward _engraved on it in red. _Sweet_. "I think my biggest fan deserves some early release merchandise. Spread the word, show it off." Shiro, without a wave or a backward glance, walked away. Hide held the bracelet carefully, slipping it on with pride. Shiro's biggest fan. Oh, man, if only Kaneki were here- _oh_! Pulling out his phone, the blonde's fingers flew over the keys, bragging about his new accessory, and preening about his meeting with the infamous Shiro. Satisfied with the text, Hide settled in for the wait.

oOo

"Oh my god you're an idiot!" Kaneki said vehemently into the mirror, once he was alone in his dressing room. He had managed to settle another one of his friends' disputes, and eased Banjou's fear of more damage by setting them apart from each other for the remainder of backstage-time. But then, oh god, he'd stalked off to his room, and the gravity of what'd he'd done sunk in with the text from Hide.

What if Hide had noticed?

Would he be angry? Upset? Disappointed? Or worst of all, would he begin to idolize and objectify Kaneki, once he found out?

The thoughts sank like stones in the half-ghoul's gut, making him feel unusually weighted down. No matter what, he didn't want to lose Hide. Despite them having nearly nothing in common, unlike his band mates, Hide had shown him nothing but kindness from the beginning. He heard his door click open, and he jerked back from the mirror, standing up straight. Touka raised one eyebrow, softly shutting the door behind her. She slid her mask down to her neck, and adjusted her wig.

"Why are you acting all suspicious? And what was taking you so long, huh?" As usual, she got right to the point, and of course she would know something was up. She had known him for years.

"H-Hide is out there, right now, and he's going to be able to see me up close oh my god-"

Touka looks unimpressed. "He's probably been in the audience for a bunch of shows, Kaneki. And besides, he won't know it's you, right?" He flails his hands a bit.

"That's besides the point! _I'll _know. And he glorifies me, Touka! You should have heard him-"

"You talked to him? Like, just now?" Kaneki closed his mouth, balling his hands at his sides.

"Oh my god, you did, you royal fuck up."

"Touka, he came in while I was fixing the speaker! I just couldn't keep myself away from him!" Touka's lips twitched down into a frown as Banjou and Nishiki trudged through his door. The latter came over and smacked him upside the head, nearly earning a much harder slap from Touka.

"Stop panicking, eat something, and warm up. People are gonna start filing in, and we gotta shut the fuck up, alright?" He said, turning to exit. Banjou crossed his arms.

"Now, Nishiki, that's no way to treat poor Kaneki! He can't help being in love more than either you or I can!"

Kaneki choked on his own spit as Touka started howling in laughter, trying to mask the sound by clapping both hands over her mouth. Nishiki looked somewhat disgusted, but he had no room to judge, really. Kaneki, unable to work his mouth or voice, simply pointed a shaking finger to the door. Touka patted him on the shoulder, still chuckling, and drug the rest of the band out. He checked the mirror one last time. His eye was wide, and his cheeks were flushed. He looked like a mess.

He was definitely in love.

oOo

The concert went fine, and Kaneki was mostly successful at keeping his eyes from locking on the blonde in the front row. He went back to his dressing room and changed into a dark hoodie and jeans, preparing to mingle with the crowd. Sometimes, on particularly stressful nights, he liked to listen to what the fans had to say, indirectly, of course. It wasn't really eavesdropping. Okay, yeah, it was, and it was a little weird, but it was pretty much the only way Kaneki could get close to the audience without them literally swarming him.

"Usagi seemed particularly cheerful tonight! She makes me so happy, so I'm glad she's happy, you know?" A girl wearing bunny ears a ways in front of him said emphatically to her friend.

"Ah, of course! And if she really is in high school, I hope she does well on her exams!" she replied, nodding. Kaneki smiled to himself.

"Good luck, Usagi!" The other one said, and they both laughed. He'd make sure to tell Touka for them. Two little boys with their father caught his ear next, and while children at his shows weren't uncommon, it still made him a bit uncomfortable.

"Dad, I want to learn the drums. Can I learn the drums?" one of them said, tugging on his hand. The dad laughed, tugging back.

"Sure, but only if your brother can play with you." The little boys face soured, and Kaneki had to stifle a grin. How cute.

"Besides, I'm the big and strong one, _I _should get the drums." The boy on the other side said, looking over to grin at his brother. They were about 10, probably, and he's already influenced them. Precious.

"Fine, I like snakes more anyway. Hey, Dad, can I learn the guitar?" Kaneki shook his head and moved on, spirits already lifted. He looked at his feet and thought about how much he loved doing this. Hmm. Would it be worth it to lose this for Hide? For, admittedly, if not love, than even just his friendship? He bumped into someone, lost in thought, and nearly sent them to the floor. He shot out his arm and caught them, though, and hauled them back up.

"Jeez, thanks man, seems like I can't text and walk at the same time, huh?" Hide said, waving his phone. His grin slipped, however, when he caught sight of who was under the hood. Kaneki paled. Oh shit.

"Shiro? Oh my God, I am so sorry-" his voice was just above a whisper, and Kaneki's hand released Hide's arm like it was on fire.

"No problem, just watch where you're going, big fan." He tried his hardest to make his voice playful, and cool, but he could physically feel the tension behind his words. "Did you like the show?"

"Oh, uh, yeah! It was really something to be that close to the front. Guess showing up early _does _have its perks." Hide was nervous, Kaneki intimidated him! Or, well. Shiro did, he supposed, but still. It bothered him.

"Hey, is everything alright? You just seem kind of... Ah, I know you're not big on sharing-" Hide's hand twitched in his pocket, seemingly gripping something, but he slipped his hand out, rubbing the back of his head. Damn it, Hide was being insufferably adorable and personable, and he always seemed to be able to draw Kaneki out of his beloved shell.

"No, you're right. I don't like to share personal stuff, I feel like it'd be too much of a burden on my friends and family. I want to protect others and myself from all the stipulations that come with being famous. It's kind of scary, sometimes, that's all- what could happen..." Hide looked shocked for a moment, then kind of sad.

"You're just like everyone else." He said, and even though it wasn't a question, Kaneki answered, surprised.

"Of course. I'm just... me." He was relieved to hear Hide say something like that, but had he just lost a fan? And would Hide say anything? To anyone? Hide nodded, pursing his lips, and then... then he grinned. It was such a drastic change that Kaneki almost got whiplash, almost grinned back, and he reminded himself that he was _Shiro _right now, and even though the crowd was mostly nonexistent at this point, he still had to be careful. Cool. Collected.

"Thank you for your time, Shiro. I have something I need to do~" Hide sang, and Kaneki watched, perplexed and amused, as he nearly skipped to the door. Oh, Hide...

oOo

Shiro the rockstar was no more. At least, in Hide's mind. He was just a guy, like any other, just a bit more... exciting? He couldn't believe that he spent the better part of two years putting the singer up on a pedestal, untouchable, incomparable. It had blinded him, biased him. Hide's pulse pounded as he ran down the sidewalk in the dark, uncaring of judgemental gazes. He had somewhere to be, someone to see. Oh, that rhymed! Hide laughed joyously coming up to the familiar address, even though he hadn't actually been there before.

He flew up the stairs and skidded down the row of doors until he got the right number. Even though it was late at night, he knew that Kaneki was a study-bug, and they had an Asian History test Monday. And even though he was in a later class than Hide, he would be cramming for it up until the actual test. Silly Kaneki. Silly, wonderful, _lovely _Kaneki. Hide's chest was heaving as he rapped on the door three times, bouncing on the balls of his feet. He waited for at least five minutes, groaning when he realized that Kaneki wasn't home after all. He pulled out his phone and tapped out semi-aggro messages for his friend, beginning his long walk home.

_Hide: kaneki. bro. when u said u had stuff 2 do. u meant it. im at ur apt and ur not home and its cold and i am sad. _

_Hide: anyway, this aside, my night was gr8, no thx to u, bet u wish u coulda gone, u will never believe what happened. _

_Hide: i met shiro, ok, and learned a very important lesson. _

_..._

_..._

_Hide: there are more important things 2 chase than a man who hides behind a mask. don't 4get our date tomorrow. ill meet you at anteiku around noonish k? see you then. xxxoxoxox _

Bonus 2- Nishiki

Kimi's fingers waved in front of his face, and his eyes came back into focus.

"Hey, were you even listening?" she pouted, her bottom lip pushing out. He wanted to take it between his teeth, and-

Ah, no, he was getting distracted again. Nishiki was a man with a mission, a regretful objective for tonight, one that had been a long time coming. But it still hurt. Dammit, when had he gotten so attached? He knew that he'd have to leave Kimi sooner or later, before she left him, to save him the insult on top of his injury. Thankfully, it was the early morning, before class, and they were out for coffee, just like any other day. Nishiki wished he could delude himself forever, live in the beautiful fantasy he'd created with Kimi. But dreams never came true, not in the fucked up world he lived in.

And it was happening tonight, unless, by some miracle or divine intervention, their fates were destined to remain intertwined. But who was he kidding. He was a monster. And she deserved better.

"Kimi, love, I have to get to class. I'll pick you up, though, for dinner. We'll go out." Kimi grinned, and nodded, moving for her purse, but Nishiki was faster. He always paid. But she always stayed behind to thank the workers. She was so lovely, so sweet, but was she sweet enough to accept a ghoul? He sighed. He'd left his wallet in the car. Leaning over to give her a kiss on the cheek, he promised he'd be back. She blushed as he tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear, and he wished that he could freeze time.

oOo

Kimi knew something was up. Nishiki was one, acting sweeter than normal to her, and two, acting bitchier to others than normal. Hmm. The young waiter that had been serving them, bless him, must have been a first time employee, judging by the way his hands shook and his eyes darted anywhere but to hers. Cute.

"Thank you for serving us today! What's your name, sweetie?" She asked, pulling out her wallet despite what Nishiki would say. He had his college to pay for, it wasn't as if two coffees were going to put her in debt.

"A-ah, I'm Kaneki, miss. Thank you for choosing Anteiku!" He sounded as if he was reading off of a script, but he did it well, so that someone who wasn't paying attention wouldn't have noticed. It seemed, thought that he had no people skills, so she wanted to keep him talking.

"Hmm, my boyfriend, the surly one with the glasses, did he seem off to you at all, Kaneki-kun?" The young waiter (although he was perhaps only two years younger than her, goodness), looked taken aback, then brushed his chin with one hand.

"...actually, I just started at University and I've seen him around. Nishiki Nishio, right?" At her nod, he continued. "Well, he didn't go to many of his classes yesterday, he was just kind of... loitering? And drinking Blondy, which is horrible, even for a college student, and especially for a ghoul. It tastes awful, I can't imagine why he was..."

Oh. Kimi was the one doing a double take this time, absentmindedly thanking Kaneki when he finished with his report. She made sure to tip him, and he scooted off just as Nishiki waltzed back through the door, hands in his pockets. Nishiki, a ghoul? Was that what he was hiding? Kimi mustered up a smile as he sat down, expecting a lecture when she admitted to paying herself. But he just smiled and shook his head, thanking her. Oh no. It was worse than him being a ghoul. He was breaking up with her. _Because _he was a ghoul. That wasn't gonna fly.

Later that evening, she made sure that she looked her best, ruby lips, dark eyes. The whole package. She wasn't going to let Nishiki go without a fight. What made it worse was that it was dinner, and, knowing him, he would eat something, just for show. She felt sick to her stomach at the thought of him being sick. Soon enough, they arrived at some uptown restaurant that one of her friends had raved about last week. He remembered.

"Are you ready to go in, or are you going to stay in the car all night?" Nishiki said, sounding almost hopeful at the thought of staying in here. Holy crap, this was happening, he was really doing it, he _planned this_, the bastard. She giggled, hiding her fear, and allowed him to help her out, clinging to him maybe just a bit too tightly. Inside, she tried to keep the atmosphere light, turning up her charm to at least over 9000. The date went smoothly enough, and Kimi could almost pretend that nothing was abnormal, nothing was wrong. But, as all good things did...

"Kimi." Nishiki said, and just his voice let her know what was happening. "I've been thinking..."

She bit her lip, reaching over to touch his hand, wincing as he pulled back.

"No, Nishiki. I already know. And I don't care." The hand balled into a fist.

"Wh-what, I-"

"And how dare you think you can just drop and leave me, silly! What don't you understand about unconditional love?" Kimi reached again, and traced her fingers over his cold hand. "I love you. So much."

"How, though? How?" he whispered, and her heart broke. What exactly had he been through?

"Because, we were made for each other? Um, destiny? I don't know myself, but I do know that the last thing I want is to lose you. So. There." Eyes lighting up like a match, he nearly leapt across the table to press his lips to her smile. His glasses were knocked out of place, and she laughed in the middle of their kiss, pulling back slightly to adjust them back.

"Thank you," Nishiki said, and she didn't think he meant the glasses.

oOo

"...so, in short, we owe our relationship to you, Kaneki-kun!" Kimi finished, Nishiki in disbelief beside her. Kaneki was completely flustered, clutching sheet music in his hands like lifelines. Nishiki had needed to get his guitar fixed up, so they had come up here together, only to find this sad sack at the register, buying music for God only knows why.

"You're welcome, I guess. Um, I think I'll pay for these and get out of here. M-maybe I'll see you two around." The dark-haired boy said, and the wavering of his voice made Nishiki kind of wanted to punch him.

"Oh, what are you doing, by the way?" Kimi asked, and he nudged her, trying to get her to leave the poor kid alone. He didn't need grief from a woman he barely knew.

"Oh, I'm... starting a band. And we need music. So, I..." Kaneki trails off, turning briefly to place the sheets on the counter, along with a book of music. Kimi shot him a mischievous look, one that had the hairs on the back of his neck standing.

"You know, Nishiki here plays the bass. If you need an extra member-" she started, but Nishiki hastily cut her off.

"No way am I joining a band, Kimi. Let alone..." his eyes, narrowed at his girlfriend, returned to the kid in front of them. He looked so hopeful. Oh, shit.

"Well, I mean. We could try, I guess. But this is just a trial, or sorts, and I probably won't stay or anything. I'm not big on permanence." Kaneki nodded twice, and at Kimi's insistence, gave them his number. As he left and they stepped forward to pay for his repairs, he couldn't help but scoff. Please, him in a band? As if.


	3. Chapter 3

Hide drummed his fingers on the table nervously, a new experience for him. He was never nervous, curious, yes, and maybe a bit excitable, but nervous? No. It was- he checked his phone- exactly 34 minutes after the time he had set for what he dubbed his and Kaneki's first official date. Sure, they had hung out here plenty of times, but he was finally over his unintentional hang up on Shiro, and allowed himself to see Kaneki in a light previously ignored.

The cup of coffee across from him had long ago stopped sending curls of steam into the air, and his own cup sat for the most part untouched. Hide folded his arms on the table and burrowed his head into the sleeves of his jacket, unease turning in his stomach like a serpent. Had he said too much to Kaneki in his texts last night? Had he scared him away for good? Someone clearing their throat had him raising his head back up. It was Touka, the young waitress who was an old friend of Kaneki's; apparently, they had known each other since she started high school. He was a bit envious, and at times he felt that the feeling was reciprocated.

"Where's Kaneki?" Hide blurted, hoping that the waitress had some explanation other than Hide had screwed up big time. She shrugged. The bags under her eyes looked deeper, darker, and she moved sluggishly as she collected the cups of coffee.

"Who knows what he's up to, really. You shouldn't be concerned though." As she turned to leave with her tray, something blazed in her eyes for a split second, giving Hide chills. "In fact, you should really probably leave him alone. Forget about him, he doesn't need you."

"Because he has you, right?" Hide snapped, unable to help himself. He regretted it immediately afterwards, sighing mournfully as she left with a huff, shoulders tense. He knew that Kaneki really wasn't his to protect, that Touka had been by his side much longer than he had, but couldn't she share just a bit? Though, after his stunt that he pulled last night, he might've lost his grip on Kaneki forever.

Ugh, no, that wouldn't do. He would act like the adult he was and attempt to at least talk to Kaneki before jumping to any dramatic conclusions. This wasn't some tragedy, after all.

He left cash on the tabletop, waving to another waiter as Touka blatantly ignored him. He didn't bother covering his ears with his headphones. He wanted to think about what exactly he was going to say, how he could fix whatever remained between him and Kaneki. Anteiku was not far enough from the half-ghoul's apartment to warrant taking a bus or another mode of transportation, but it was not close enough prevent Hide from feeling a bit winded as he rounded the corner onto the right street.

As he walked up to Kaneki's door, he checked his phone again. No messages. And it was almost 1:30, as well, and Hide felt his stomach grumble. He probably should have eaten at the café, as Kaneki most likely didn't have anything in his cabinets besides coffee, but he would leave that particular concern for now. He focused his energy in delivering three sharp knocks against the door, frowning when he heard no movement inside. He knocked again, and this time, the door opened a few second later.

Kaneki stood in the doorframe, hair and clothes a rumpled mess. He was only in his t-shirt and boxers, and his eyes betrayed his lack of sleep.

"Hello, Hide. Um, come in." He mumbled, and his socked feet shuffled aside so that Hide could step into the sparsely decorated living room. Kaneki gestured half-heartedly to the couch on the far wall, opposite a medium-sized television, before moving to the kitchen. Hide sat, patient, and listened to the sounds of Kaneki making coffee. There was something oddly comforting about the whir of the grinder, the hiss as the water escaped into the air. Eventually, Kaneki returned with a dim smile, holding two mugs like victory trophies.

"Dude." Hide started, taking his coffee thankfully. The couch dipped to one side as Kaneki sat close to him, though still on the other cushion. "Where were you, man? Hiding away in here?" He didn't mean to sound upset, but Kaneki was usually the more punctual one of the two, and Hide was already a bit antsy. Kaneki's brows drew together, lips turning down.

"What do you mean? I just got up, Hide. I tend to sleep in on- on weekends. Because I don't usually go anywhere anyway, so..." Kaneki said, tilting his head thoughtfully. Great! Then he hadn't read Hide's text! As relieved as he felt, a swirling sense of regret tainted it, curling his stomach tight.

"Just got- Jesus, Kaneki, and I thought _I _was bad. And you can't stay cooped up in here! You have me to occupy now!" Hide said, waving one hand as if to emphasize his words.

"Oh, well, sorry, I didn't know the earth revolved around you, Hide." Kaneki teased, making Hide grin. He had nothing to worry about.

"Of course it does. I'm the Sun, duh." Kaneki laughed outright, jostling Hide, and his coffee, with the movement. They slid closer, and Hide's heart rate picked up. Could Kaneki hear it?

"Ah, watch it, we don't want a repeat of when we met! And besides, rabbits can die of loneliness, you know."

"You're not a rabbit, Hide." He chuckled, and Hide turned to look him dead in the eyes. Oh wow, they were closer than he originally thought. Their noses were only a few inches apart.

"I wasn't talking about me, Kaneki." Hide countered, fighting down the urge to look away.

"O-oh... I'm sorry for missing our..." Kaneki trailed off, flushing red. However wavering his voice was, the ghoul's grey eyes didn't move. It looked like he wasn't even breathing.

"Date." Hide confirmed, leaning a fraction closer. _Don't run now, Kaneki, not when we're so close like this..._

_"_Date?" Kaneki breathes, and he sounds hopeful, and he's so cute, and their lips are _almost touching_-

The pressure on Hide's lips happens at once, instantaneous, and so, _so agonizingly slow_. He takes a moment to appreciate the softness of Kaneki's lips, before he realizes, _oh yeah_, kissing is kind of a two-person deal. He wants to push back, and he tilts his head, in order to move their noses out of the way, this _seemed right_-

Something hot that was in fact something very real and not the desire that was supposedly supposed to be _burning, ow, _in the pit of his stomach spread acorns his lower torso and lap. Kaneki sprang back- apparently it affected him too.

"Dammit, Hide." Kaneki sighed, standing and taking the blonde's now empty mug. Oh. He internally cursed himself as Kaneki waddled to the kitchen, shame taking its turn to darken his face. Instead of coming back to the couch, Kaneki slipped into the back rooms of the apartment. Bathroom? Bedroom? His question was answered a few minutes later when the half-ghoul came back in sweatpants, tossing a pair at Hide.

"The bathroom is on the left side, second door." Hide stood, wincing at the huge spill that stained his jeans. Well, he may not have screwed up with the text, but he definitely goofed this time. Kaneki caught sight of his expression, and his features softened.

"Hey, it was an accident. And... I checked my phone. Go change and we can listen to that CD, okay?" Kaneki smiled softly, brushing Hide's hand as he passed. Oh, thank heavens. Hide changed in record time, hesitating only a moment before he shucked off his underwear as well. The sweatpants were only a bit small in the legs and waist, and then it hit Hide that he was wearing Kaneki's clothes. His... boyfriend's clothes? Something swooped low in his stomach, making him giggle. He had to keep himself from skipping as he made his way back to Kaneki, finding the other on the couch reading.

"Kaneki, will you be my boyfriend?" He asked breathlessly, and Kaneki's eyes shot up, wide as saucers.

"I-I suppose, Hide, but I thought that went without saying." He answered, folding the corner of the page he was on. Oh, so he _did _dog-ear his books! With a skip in his step, he flopped down next to Kaneki so that their thighs were touching. Though Kaneki gave him a _look_, he didn't complain, and Hide pulled his headphones out of his phone so that he could share his audio with Kaneki. Once upon a time, he would have been stingy with it, wanting to keep the music, the meaning, the members for himself. But Kaneki, Kaneki was special, and he felt _the words _form on the tip of his tongue, heavy and sweet. He held onto the feeling though, wanting to savor and simmer it a bit longer.

After a moment of fumbling, Hide set his phone face up on their thighs, balanced between them. He hit play, and he felt Kaneki shift, and then a foreign weight on his shoulder. Hide sighed contentedly as Kaneki turned his head, nose pressed to Hide's neck.

_Rome wasn't built in day_

_And that was their mistake _

_Cause trust takes years to build_

_But only one second to-_

_And the horns blared, the band marched _

_In circles, in circles_

_I saw my world, my walls, crumble, and learned that_

_nothing is eternal _

_And I cry for me, I cry for them, I even cry for you_

_Because what they see as victory, I see as overdue _

_And as I run, from what they've done, battles that I've never won,_

_I feel the mark of failure brand me like a tattoo_

Kaneki's soft puffs of breath get slower, and Hide tries not to move too much in order to avoid waking him. Feeling so close to someone was deeply comforting, and he was thankful to Kaneki for accepting him so readily. Though, he supposed, Kaneki could say the same thing to Hide. Haha, how could someone sleep as much as Kaneki, even if he was out late?

Come to think of it, what was Kaneki doing out so late?

Hide shook his head. He knew ghouls had long preferred the dark over the light, although, Kankei had exceeded Hide's expectations, disproved his assumptions, every time. But he wouldn't press, he wouldn't ever press, Kaneki for anything. He swiped his music off- it didn't matter that Kaneki hadn't heard a word. Just spending time with him was the blonde's true intentions.

oOo

The only reason that the man was able to sneak up on Kaneki was that he was quite lost in thought about one Nagachika Hideyoshi. His official _boyfriend_. That he could hold hands with, and kiss, and watch movies with, and cuddle. _And keep secrets from_. The thought dimmed Kaneki's mood considerably, along with the slight rock of the wooden table as someone slid onto the bench across from him. Hide would not sit- he would perhaps come up behind Kaneki, and do that terribly cliche thing of covering his eyes and taunting him with a "_guess who?"_, or maybe running his hands along his shoulders, tickling the half-ghoul's neck to make him cringe onto his fingers. Kaneki looked up from his novel and immediately felt sick.

Tsukiyama Shuu smirked, chin perched on his folded hands. His horrible purple hair and predatory gaze reminded him too much of Rize, and he was looking at Kaneki like he wanted to eat him. He also looked as if he knew exactly who Kaneki was, and why else would he be sitting there, _oh god_. The sudden shock chilled him to the bone, and it must have registered on his face, because Tsukiyama smiled wider.

"_Bonjour_, Shiro-kun. It's very unusual to see you in your natural habitat." Kaneki swallowed nervously at his easy, conversational voice. He needed to stay composed, so that no one would suspect anything. Even though Tsukiyama already looked very, very conspicuous.

"Please, don't call me that. Kaneki is fine." He said lowly, closing his book. He figured that telling the man his name wouldn't hurt, as he already knew where to find him. If he wanted to expose the half-ghoul, he easily could.

"Alright then, Kaneki-kun. Now, as you may have guessed, I have found you for a reason." The ghoul said jovially. His tone was appraising, possessive, almost. It made Kaneki want to crawl under a rock and never be seen again. Instead, he nodded.

"_Trés bien_! Thank you for being so accommodating, dear Kaneki-kun! As you have probably heard, I am quite an avid fan. And I have noticed a decline in profitability due to decreased showings and preposterously difficult marketing tactics." A look of almost pensive sadness overwhelmed his features, and Kaneki couldn't help but think it looked like a mask. Kaneki kept silent, encouraging Tsukiyama to continue with a gesture.

"I would like to become involved in the band, both financially and managerial-wise. Plus, the fans already think Rize and I are related, so wouldn't it be delightful? I'd hate to see my favorite pastimes crash and burn like so many others before them." Tsukiyama stood up with a flourish.

"It would simply be too much to bear, Kaneki-kun!" He finished, with a hand over his heart. Kaneki felt so much second-hand embarrassment.

"Please sit down, Tsukiyama-san. You realize that only Rize-san would be able to hire you?" Kaneki asked when the ghoul finally sat back down. The glint in Tsukiyama's eyes belied his unwillingness to comply before he even opened his mouth.

"Now, I'm only looking out for you of course! I would hate for anything bad to happen- to any of you." Kaneki's blood ran cold. He knew a threat when he heard one. Where was Hide?

Although, maybe it was better that he didn't see this. He might- no, he _would_ suspect...

"Of course. You can act as a sort of sponsor, I guess, until I talk to the manager and work out a permanent position for you. You could still get a say in our affairs and have a hand in our expenses." Kaneki replied reluctantly, and he hoped that Tsukiyama couldn't hear the fear that threatened to rattle his voice. With a grin that reminded Kaneki of big cats baring their teeth, snarling, Tsukiyama rose again.

"_Merci_, _merci_, lovely Kaneki-kun! Let me know when I can be of service, and when my position opens up. I'll be awaiting your call." Tsukiyama strode over to Kaneki's side of the table and slipped him a card with a phone number and the letters MM engraving the front in fancy script. As the ghoul walked away, whistling, Kaneki carefully placed the card into his pocket. This was exactly why his identity was a secret! And now the possible safety of not only himself but his friends was on the line...?

"Yo, Kaneki!" Hide jostled him as the blonde draped himself over his shoulders. "Sorry if you've been waiting long! I had to stop by the library for some homework research, but I got it done, so now we can go to Anteiku and chill. Oh, unless you have work?" Hide was leaning over, so that he could look into Kaneki's face.

"U-um, yes, coffee would be nice. But I... I do have some work, so we can't stay long..." Kaneki managed, subtly shaking his boyfriend off. The blonde was still enthusiastic, though, and that alone managed to lift Kaneki's spirits a tad.

"One black coffee... And a mocha latte for me today, please!" Hide ordered happily, and the new waitress blushed and batted her eyelashes. Ugh. Kaneki reached over and took Hide's hand, without looking at her. He had nothing to worry about. _Except lies and vaguely homicidal ghouls_. Hide smiled at the waitress one last time as she walked away, after her eyes locked on their joined hands.

"I knew she was flirting, you know." Hide said, sliding his thumb over Kaneki's knuckles.

"Hmm. You could have shut her down." Kaneki suggested, looking to where the waitress was gossiping to the barista that was making their drinks. He sighed as Hide's ministrations slowed.

"Say, Kaneki, what's wrong? You seem... upset? No, more shaken than anything." Hide said softly, and the half-ghoul stiffened. Of course Hide would notice something, of course, sweet, perceptive Hide, but he couldn't know, ever. Especially not with Tsukiyama creeping around.

"Nothing. How was class today?" Kaneki tried, but Hide's eyebrows lowered.

"No, no, you're not changing the subject. Something happened." Hide persisted, and Kaneki felt like the walls were closing in. This was it, Hide would find out, and leave him, because who would want someone like him? Kaneki was fine, a bit shy, and reserved, but Shiro had become the embodiment of everything he hated about himself. His insecurity, his weakness, his sorrow, all bundled up in music and leather, his open heart right on his sleeve. And people said _he _was the secretive one, but it was really Kaneki who was the one hiding. Kaneki pulled his hand back from Hide's. It was shaking.

"Kaneki, I-" Hide looked and sounded shocked, and worst of all, hurt, but Kaneki couldn't. He _couldn't_, he needed out, he needed to be alone, to write this out on paper and give it music so that it wouldn't be a part of him anymore. Just as he got up to leave- was there an earthquake or was he really shaking that badly?- Hide spoke. And his voice, quiet and restrained, felt heavy and broken.

"Is it me? Or... or us? Because, if someone is, like, harassing you, I can... or, if you really need, we can take a break? Anything, anything you want, Kaneki. Just as long as you're okay."

He wasn't okay. He was far from okay. He felt like he was shattering apart, unraveling, in the middle of a coffee shop, and he wanted to reassure Hide, but he _needed_ to escape, he could feel the eyes on him-

Hide watched with tear filled eyes as Kaneki staggered out of the coffee shop, his grey eyes wide and blank. He wanted to help Kaneki, he was so beyond worried right now, but he _didn't know what to do_. Helplessness washed over him, and he bolted up out of his seat as the waitress sat down his coffee in front of him.

"Excuse me, but do you know when Touka-chan's shift starts?" He asked desperately, and she gaped at his wet cheeks, probably wondering what could have happened in the seven or eight minutes she'd been gone. He did too.

"U-um, in about an hour or so. Sir. Um." She stammered, clutching her tray to her chest. He nodded and returned to his seat. If anyone could help him help Kaneki, it would be Touka. But would she be willing? He knew that Kaneki was keeping something from him, a something that Touka might be privy to. And he didn't want to pry, but he didn't want to lose Kaneki either. Not so soon after really managing to get him. What had it been, three weeks? And he already screwed things up? The next hour was spent in Hide's mind, struggling to fit misshaped puzzle pieces together, while he blamed himself for this whole fiasco.

"What the hell are you doing?" Hide heard a voice hiss at him, and the next moment, a fist was curled in the collar of his shirt. Like a rag doll, he was dragged out the back entrance and into the alleyway behind the café. Touka shoved him against the brick wall opposite the door, and his back sparked with pain.

"Explain to me why Kaneki called me _in tears _to tell me that he was alone, in his apartment, having a fucking panic attack!" She nearly screamed at him, and he was suddenly thankful he had the support of the wall behind him. She was terrifying, and livid, fists clenched, shoulders tense.

"I-I-" he started, but she silenced Hide by holding a hand up.

"Listen, despite how _close _you think you two are, you don't push into his private life, got it? And, God forbid, if he ends up hurt, either physically or mentally, I swear I _will _kill you." She spat. Hide, unable to do much else, nodded quickly. Did that mean he and Kaneki couldn't be _a thing_? But... he... he loved...

"Good. Now, go over to his apartment, apologize, and then get out. Get out of his space, get out of his business, and _get out of his life_." Turning, she stalked back inside and slammed the door behind her. God damn, he hoped Kaneki never got on her bad side. Hide figured she was probably right, though. He should apologize, but he would never leave Kaneki unless the man himself told him to. Regaining his somewhat shot nerves, he walked the second nature path to what had become sort of his second home. Because home was where the heart was, and...

And he was in love with Kaneki Ken. _"No use denying it now, buddy_," Hide thought. Sure, they hadn't known each other for very long, but it felt like they'd been friends for years, and Hide had always been extremely adamant about his passions. If he loved something, he pursued it wholeheartedly, especially if that something was a cute, dark-haired ghoul who liked horrible books and big sweaters.

It wasn't long until he reached the door of Kaneki's apartment, and he didn't even knock. Would Kaneki have opened it? Was he still... upset-mad-scared? The lights were off, and the TV was on Hide's favorite show. Either Kaneki expected him to come over, or he had fallen asleep while the channel was on something else. Ah, his boyfriend was curled up on the couch under a blanket, the second one, then. As much as he knew Kaneki loved his beauty rest, he needed to apologize and find out where they stood. His poor heart couldn't stand all of this stress, the worry. But most of all, he needed to make sure Kaneki was alright.

Hide gently prodded Kaneki's shoulder, crouching down by the couch so that their faces were level. His eyes slowly opened, blinked once, then widened.

"H-Hide..." He whispered, and the blonde tried for a reassuring smile.

"Hey, man. Sorry for prying, or whatever made you uncomfortable, really. I'll respect you, and your boundaries, no matter what." Hide whispered back, fingers twitching at his sides. He wanted to brush Kaneki's bangs back from his face, touch him, but he still didn't know how the man felt.

"No... no, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have made a scene. Or called Touka." He croaked, and oh boy, he sounded like he'd been crying for days on end. The thought made Hide's heart clench, and he shook his head.

"Don't put the weight of the world on your shoulders, Kaneki. Not everything is your fault, your responsibility. And I'll understand completely if you need some time to... be by yourself, I know I can be a bit overwhelming-" Kaneki cut him off with a kiss. Hide breathed an internal sigh of relief.

"Hide, Hide, I can't tell you everything, at least, not yet, but.." Kaneki's voice was shaking, but it was also firm, absolute. "But rabbits can die of loneliness, Hide!" He chastised, and Hide laughed so loud that he drowned out the pounding in his ears from Kaneki's kiss and forgiveness.

Bonus: Uta, Yomo, and Banjou

Uta watched the young ghoul like a hawk. He came by every few days, picking up this and that, a guitar pick, sheet music. What he had said a few weeks ago though, what he had learned, stuck with him. The kid was starting a band. How interesting.

"Hey, Yomo." He called as the kid slipped behind the shelf of CDs. Who even used CDs anymore? The white haired ghoul was opposite the glass counter, restocking magazines. What the fuck. Who read magazines? How much useless crap did they buy and attempt to sell to nonexistent business?

"What do you want, Uta? Because I want you to maybe actually work?" Yomo quipped, and oh, screw what he was going to say, his friend was losing this fight.

"Okay, one, it's not my fault you ruined our reputation and we had to open a shitty music store, and two, it's not my fault we have no customers. I am the cashier. And as soon as that kid comes over here, I'll do my job." Uta snapped, letting his kakugan show. He usually frightened off any people that came in with his piercings and unusual demeanor, but he didn't feel right unless he displayed his true nature.

"You know it wasn't either of our faults that we failed to take off. A two person band with a creepy vibe would never have been popular anywhere else but where or when we started. And, since we have no business, I see no reason as to why you can't come and help me out here." Yomo replied, straightening the last row of magazines. His voice was always level, something that got on Uta's nerves. It was like living with a robot.

"Well maybe-" Uta started, but something was tentatively put on the counter in front of him.

"Excuse me, but, ah, I would like..." The kid from before stood in front of him, gaping openly at his eyes. And then he remembered.

"Hey, is it true that you're starting a band?" Uta said staring him down as he rang up his stuff. The kid blinked a couple of times, and flushed. Oh wow, this was fun. He nodded jerkily, and Uta glanced to Yomo over his shoulder. Hehe.

"Go for it, I'm sure you'll do great." Uta bagged his merchandise, and Yomo rolled his eyes.

"Don't listen to him, take your time and figure out what you really want." He said, placing a now-empty cardboard box on the counter. "You're, what, in high school? Not even old enough to drink, let alone make the adult decisions that handling press, tours, gigs, requires." The bell over the door rang as Uta handed the kid his bags, and he glanced over to find, like, their only other regular.

"Hey, Banjou, you bust another drum?" Uta snickered, and the man's eyebrows twitched.

"That was one time." He snipped, and walked up to the counter. The kid looked frightened out of his mind. Banjou was at least twice his size, and he hurriedly grabbed his bag to move it out of the way. Banjou set down four pieces of wood on the counter.

"You broke your drumsticks, holy hell-" Uta choked out a laugh. He even heard Yomo try to hide his with a cough. "Oh, and thanks for coming, kid- ah, good luck with that band of yours."

"Band?" Banjou whipped around, nearly knocking the smaller ghoul beside him down. "You're part of a band?"

"Starting one, actually." Yomo said, taking the useless sticks and chucking them in the trash bin.

"Can I be in it? Please, I'm really good at playing the drums, I've been on 'em since I was 10!"

"U-um, well, we don't actually h-have a drummer, so maybe..."

"Oh, come on. He's only a kid, leave him alone." Yomo sighed. "Listen, you both go home, you think about your life, and then you decide if you want to risk it. I'll have your drumsticks tomorrow, hopefully a bit sturdier."

And Banjou did come back the next day, only to tell Uta and Yomo that he had worked it out with Kaneki- the kid- and that they would find a way to keep their identities a secret so that the younger members could still go through with school. Banjou would act as the official adult, though their bassist was the acting manager. But they wanted the pair's help.

"You have experience, and I'm working with a bunch of kids!" Banjou pleaded.

"And that's our problem? I warned you..." Yomo said flatly, handing him his drumsticks. Uta smiled behind his hand. This was so very captivating. Kaneki, huh?

"We'll help you, of course."


	4. Chapter 4

Kaneki watched Touka carefully out of the corner of his eye- it wasn't hard to keep an ear out, his ghoul senses had been progressing lately, but she was the type to sulk very angrily and very silently. He was currently sitting at his and Hide's table, waiting for the other to arrive. Kaneki was early, though, because his last professor had got an emergency call from his brother and he had to leave. Just the thought gave Kaneki goosebumps- the professor's brother was a dove, and the CCG were hot on the trail of those destructive ghouls. He didn't want to let his mind linger on the implications.

Touka swept past him suddenly, purposefully, keeping her eyes trained to the back wall, ignoring him. Ouch. Kaneki was unsure of what he had done, exactly, but he had a bad feeling it might have to do with Hide. The bell over the door chimed, and, speak of the devil, his boyfriend strolled through the door, smiling and waving at the staff and a few of the customers that recognized him, to their table.

"Hello, darling~" Hide chirped, sliding into his seat. Kaneki raised his eyebrows.

"What's up, Hide? You have that look on your face..." Hide grinned.

"Okay, well, you know, we kind of agreed we weren't going to be one of _those couples _that are like, _OMG we've been together for two weeks, it's true love. We're celebrating our week-iversary. Every week. _But it's been almost half a year and-"

"Hide, it's been four months."

"-and that's, like, 33.3% of the year behind us, which is a long time, if you ask me, so I-"

"You want to celebrate our 33.3%-iversary."

"-I've formulated a plan, which was time consuming, seeing as you can't do fancy restaurants or romantic homemade spaghetti-"

"I've said, you can eat wherever and whatever you want. It doesn't bother me."

"-yes, but the point is to do stuff _together_, and anyway I thought that we could hit a bookstore, I could pick up a few new movies while you browse, and then we can cuddle on the couch!" Hide finally finished, taking a deep breath. Kaneki shook his head.

"Hide, we do that all the time." Kaneki snorted, and the coffee that he had ordered for them earlier was set on the table. "Thank you." The waiter smiled and trotted off to take another order. "I got you a regular coffee, because I didn't know what you would want today. There's cream and sugar by the front so you can doctor it to your taste." Hide pursed his lips.

"I'm not sure there was enough disgust in your tone there. I'll go and put all of my caloric goodness in my cup and then we can discuss what you would rather do this weekend. And we're gonna do something. And we're gonna enjoy it." He shook his finger at Kaneki, grabbed his cup, and headed to the counter. Kaneki smiled softly. True, he had been against the whole fabled "_honeymoon stage_", but Hide made him feel...

Happy? No, more than that... special? Not exactly right...

Ah.

Loved. He felt loved.

His cheeks warmed and he touched his palms to his face, barely able to contain a grin. He must look like a smitten schoolgirl, but Kaneki hardly cared. The sound of staples behind him was like a pin popping his bubble of euphoria, and he turned to see Touka with 20th Ward posters. What. He hadn't approved anything! Before he could confront her, Hide returned, and prodded the half ghoul for ideas. Kaneki felt a burning in his throat like acid as Hide suggested a few more activities, already knowing he'd have to cancel. He put on a brave face, though, resolving to make up for it through pampering Hide for the last two days of the week.

When Hide finally decided that he needed to go, Kaneki was partly relieved. He wasn't looking forward to his impending argument with Touka, but if there was any way he could get out of performing this weekend, he would. He didn't have to move, because as soon as Hide was out the door, Touka was in his seat.

"Before you say anything stupid, the concert is mandatory. You've been skimping out on us, entertaining that human and his ridiculous notions." Touka said flatly, crossing her arms and leaning back in the chair.

"Mandatory? And Hide is more than a pastime, you know." Kaneki shot back, allowing some of the anger that had been building vent out a bit. Touka rolled her eyes.

"If you got your head out of _Love_-land for even just a minute, you would know that Rize quit." She let her words sink in a bit, and Kaneki's blood ran cold. If she was no longer their manager, then...

"That Tsukiyama bastard payed her to disappear, because he was tired of playing shadow master and wanted the real position _you _promised him. Like Rize, he wants profit, but unlike Rize, he's not going to pretend to care about us. We perform or he shuts us down. Or worse."

"Why can't we just... fire him or something? I... have plans-"

"I don't give a shit about your love life. This is about us as a group, a family, our career- what actually matters!" Touka brought a fist down on the table, drawing eyes to them. Kaneki fought the urge to bare his teeth. She was giving of a very hostile vibe, and it set his instincts on edge. Touka was feeling it too, and she pulled back. Kaneki could see the barriers behind her eyes, her walls closing her off emotionally. It'd been years since he had seen her like this.

"Hide matters. My relationships matter, Touka." He sighed, and brushed his bangs out of his eyes. She bit her lip, face crinkling. He vaguely noticed that Nishiki and Banjou were outside, preparing to come in. Touka must have called them.

"I know Hide matters to you, Kaneki. But do I?" She whispered, and stood. Kaneki stifled a gasp, and tried to reach out, but she turned and rushed out of the café, wiping at her eyes. The other members, who had just reached the table, looked shocked.

"I've got her." Nishiki muttered, seeming uncharacteristically concerned for Touka. He followed her path, and brought his phone up to his ear as he left. Banjou looked from Kaneki to where Nishiki and Touka had disappeared, and Kaneki shook his head. He felt like shit. Why hadn't he noticed anything sooner? Why hadn't he noticed, period? The corners of his eyes burned, and Banjou laid a hand on his shoulder.

"Don't worry. Everything will be alright in the end." Kaneki wanted to believe him, but between Tsukiyama running the band, upsetting Touka, and eventually having to rain check Hide, he couldn't bring himself to.

A little while later, after Banjou had coaxed Kaneki into drinking the rest of his lukewarm coffee, the half-ghoul's phone pinged. Nishiki had texted him.

_Senpai: Kimi and I have Touka. She's at our apt. She's pretty shaken up as well, Kaneki. What the hell did you say to her? At any rate, come over, and we can all bask in the huge pile of shit we've landed ourselves in. See you soon._

Kaneki flashed the screen at Banjou, silently conveying where they both needed to go. His throat felt tight, and he was afraid to speak, lest his voice fracture. They exited the coffee shop, tipping generously. Nishiki had left his car, probably to track Touka on foot, but he also took the keys with him. Banjou shrugged and smiled, whistling one of their songs as he started walking. Kaneki sighed, and, having no other option, followed.

oOo

"-think that you're less important? He has a life outside of you, you know- _ow_, Kimi!" Banjou and Kaneki opened the unlocked door, overhearing the conversation within. They made their way through the modest, well-furnished apartment, finding the three in the bedroom.

The bed was huge, taking up at least half of the space in the room, covered in mountains of pillows and comfy-looking blankets. Kimi and Touka were sitting on the edge of it, one of the pillows clutched in the latter's arms. Nishiki stood in front of them, rubbing his arm where Kimi must have hit it earlier.

"Ah, perfect, Kaneki and Banjou are here!" Kimi said, pulling the focus to them. She patted Touka once on the shoulder, and then stood, smiling brightly at Kaneki. "I'll just leave you all to talk about whatever. If you need anything, just call, alright?"

She kissed Nishiki on the cheek and departed, tension rushing into the room in her absence. Feeling like something was gripping his throat, Kaneki timidly approached Touka. She looked up at him, eyes shining with tears. He knew she hated to cry, she hated looking weak, so it hurt him to know that she was hurting that bad.

"Kaneki. I... I know, I'm sorry-"

"No, no, we shouldn't have fought in the first place. I _have _been neglecting my friends, but it shouldn't be an exchange. I want this _and _Hide in my life. Just because... Just because I love someone else doesn't mean I love you any less, Touka!" He took a shuddering gasp in, and she threw herself at his chest. He held her tight, feeling her shake silently, burying his nose into hair. He heard a sniffle behind him, and then strong, vice-like arms were wrapped around him and Touka. He nearly laughed, and then he felt smaller, guitar-calloused hands follow Banjou's. Nishiki sniffled again, and pulled them all closer.

"We owe our lives to this band, don't deny it. And we owe our lives to Kaneki. Touka, you had nothing, no one, until Kaneki brought himself and us to you. Banjou, you were in a gang, for God's sake, unhappy and desperate for something else, something more. I... I was on the verge of wrecking my whole life, my future. Banjou and Uta, they had nothing to live for until they had us. And remember this moment, because this is as fucking genuine as I'll ever be with you guys. I love you all. Don't forget it, cause I won't say it again." Nishiki whispered, sounding almost afraid of his own words.

Banjou laughed, and stepped back, taking Nishiki with him. Touka unclenched her fists from Kaneki's clothes, pulling away to smile sadly, gently, up at him.

"We're a family. And as much as I hate to admit it... Hide should be a part of it, too." Kaneki started back down at her, turning her words over in his head.

"_We're alL IN THIS TOGETHER_-" Banjou hollered, before Touka stepped around Kaneki and angrily clamped a hand over his mouth, ranting about how she was trying to have a tender moment.

"Now this is more like it." Nishiki sighed, slinging an arm around Kaneki's shoulders as Banjou teased their youngest member. "This is home. And who cares about what will happen, you know? What Tsukiyama will do... or even Hide, cause you're gonna tell him, right? We'll be there for each other, 100%." Kaneki smiled to himself, then Nishiki's arm tightened. "And if anyone spills what I said or did in this room today, heads are gonna roll."

oOo

The band hung out for a while, discussing a general idea for dealing with Tsukiyama, and just discussing their lives a bit. Then, after the sun had set, Nishiki drove everyone home. Kaneki, meanwhile, had been pondering about Hide. Telling Hide. Possibly losing Hide. He checked his phone when he got home, to find no missed texts. Hide had probably picked up on his unease that afternoon, and decided to let him be. He was too perfect. What was he going to do this weekend...?

This weekend. Two days now, until he had to perform, that was enough time...!

Kaneki whipped out his cell as he rolled his chair up to his desk, planning to study a bit before bed. With shaking fingers, he typed out one sentence to his boyfriend.

_Kaneki: Hey, would you like to go to a concert with me this weekend?_

Hide was quick to respond.

_Hide: OMG r u srs? U dont like em tho, too loud, crowded. i dont wanna stress u out 4 our 33.3-iversary. Is it a band u like?_

_Kaneki: I wouldn't mind. In fact, I'd like it very much if we could do this, Hide. There's something I need to talk to you about, as well. _

_Kaneki: In person. But later, this weekend._

_Hide: u better not b breakin up with me, bro. ):_

_Kaneki: Of course not. :)_

_Hide: (: k, ill c u there, then. who are we seeing?_

_Kaneki: 20th Ward :D_

The half-ghoul set down his phone before he could change his mind. His jitters were almost unbearable, and he found himself too frazzled to do schoolwork. When he fell asleep that night, he dreamed that the sun was forever eclipsed by the moon, washing the world in lonely shades of cold blue and grey.

oOo

The next two days passed entirely too fast for Kaneki, especially when he had an overexcited Hide to deal with. He went on and on about how much Kaneki was going to enjoy the music, as Kaneki's nerves got to him more and more. By the time he showed up to meet the rest of the band early in the morning to set up, he was a wreck. Touka intercepted him at the door, wrapping him in a hug and passing a warm coffee into his hands. Nishiki set down the equipment he was carrying to the stage, rubbing his hands together.

"Is Hide coming?" Banjou said, in the middle of unloading a speaker. Kaneki just nodded, taking a sip of his coffee to help steel his resolve. Nishiki looked over him for a moment, gaze scrutinizing.

"Do you love him?" He suddenly asked, and Kaneki nearly choked. Nishiki started him down, until he finally nodded, something like relief flooding his chest. Almost instantaneously, he felt lighter, buoyant. He was in love with Hide, undeniably. And it was like... well, nothing changed, really. The sun wasn't brighter, he still felt sick, and he still had problems to deal with. But just knowing that he _loved _someone like that, to be loved in return, made everything just a bit easier.

His nerves changed into a sort of frantic energy, and he threw himself into setting up the perfect show for his boyfriend. The group got everything in order pretty early, meaning that they had some time to kill backstage. Thankfully, Tsukiyama didn't make an appearance, probably confident that the mere threat of his presence was enough to keep everyone in line. With final reassurances, Kaneki headed outside to wait for Hide, shaking out his hands a couple of times. He didn't have to wait long. Upon seeing the familiar dyed blonde hair bobbing towards him, the carefully pre-planned words in his mind flew out the window.

"Yo, Kaneki! You're four hours early! I was going to wait for you, haha!" He called, jogging the rest of the way once he caught sight of Kaneki shifting from foot to foot. His mouth was dry, all of his previous energy, the coffee warming him, was gone. But he had love... right? No, now was not the time for doubt. He loved Hide, he wanted Hide to be a part of his life. Part of _this_ life. Kaneki, instead of speaking, smiled and held out his hand, no longer afraid. No matter what happened. When they stepped inside, hand in hand, no one was around. Good.

"Alright, ah, cause we're so early, we could get a spot by the front, but not like, all the way, cause it's kind of a lot to take in so close... Hey, did you buy the tickets? Not that it matters, they're digital, but-"

"Hide, I love you." Kaneki said softly, pulling him towards the stage. He was going to show him his dressing room, watch him transform from Kaneki to Shiro. And they'd go from there. Hopefully. He looked back to Hide, who was smiling brightly. The blonde laughed a bit, letting himself be tugged along.

"Kaneki, I love you too. But I don't think we're allowed up here." He sounded dazed. Kaneki shook his head, squeezing the hand in his.

"I am." Kaneki replied shortly, ducking into the wings of backstage. It was dark, and Hide pressed close to him. The half-ghoul could feel his excited puffs of breath on his neck. They felt their way to Kaneki's dressing room, marked with an S. Hide froze.

"Kaneki. Not that I'm averse to sneaking backstage and meeting my idols on our anniversary- thank you, by the way- but you should know, I'm kind of over my fanboy crush on Shiro. I've found someone better, haha." Hide said nervously. Kaneki smiled to himself as he turned the doorknob and walked inside. He dropped Hide's hand to walk over to his dresser, where the wig and his eyepatch lay. Hide followed after a second, seeing that the supposed superstar wasn't in there.

"Sit down, Hide. We have to talk." Kaneki said, glancing at himself in the mirror. He looked a lot more confident than he felt.

"In-in Shiro's dressing room? What if he comes in?" Despite his protest, Hide sat in one of the chairs against the wall, glancing around. The leather suit was hung up on the other side of the door, and the rest of the room was very bare. Instead of replying, Kaneki picked up his wig cap and slid it on, tucking his bangs behind the band.

"Hey, Kaneki, should you be touching-?" Before he could finish, Kaneki put the white wig on, and Hide made an awkward choking sound. Without pausing, he put his eyepatch on as well, brushing his wig down so that it looked natural. Well, mostly natural. Kaneki watched Hide's face in the mirror slowly morph from one of worry to one of shock. He swallowed once, then turned.

"Hide, I'm sorry if you feel lied to, or-or tricked in any way, but-"

"Are you serious." Hide said flatly, slumping back into his chair.

""Hide, no, I'm sorry-"

"Where are the hidden cameras."

"There are no- oh, no, Hide-" Kaneki felt like crying, Hide was mad at him, he was going to leave and never look back, _Christ_-

"I get Kaneki _and _Shiro at the same time are you _freaking serious _this is the best day of my life!" Hide jumped out of the chair and hurtled towards Kaneki, catching himself at the last second.

"This is real, right? I thought I knew Shiro from somewhere, but this is kind of miraculous..." Hide whispered, and Kaneki, in response, simply grabbed Hide and pulled him in, trying not to sob or say something embarrassing. Hide loved him, in spite of keeping him in the dark for so long. They hugged for a moment, before Hide pulled away with a mischievous smirk.

"God, Kaneki, if you would have told me earlier, I would have had a _lot _more planned for our 33.3-iversary..." Chills shot through Kaneki as Hide bent down to trail soft kisses down his throat.

"Leather is _so hot_..." Hide murmured against his skin, and okay, they had a few hours before showtime-

Three hard knocks had the couple springing apart, and Kaneki flushed all the way to his now seemingly-white roots.

"Kaneki, do you know when Hide will get here, or not, because if he-" Touka's head peaked around the door as it opened, face twisting in disgust at their obvious sheepish behavior. "Alright, then. Hi, Hide." She said shortly, stepping into the room somewhat hesitantly. Her short skirt swished around the tops of her thighs, and her guitar was strapped to her back.

"We were planning to run a few numbers, but if you wanna bang Hide all over your dressing room that's your business." Kaneki sputtered and Hide laughed, surprised.

"Touka-chan? What are you doing here? I swear to God, if I'm dreaming..." Touka smirked.

"No, this is 100% real, I'm afraid. Sorry for being so harsh. I would say I didn't mean it, but I'm not a liar. 20th Ward was founded by Kaneki and me, actually. I'm Usagi. Orochi is your beloved Nishio-senpai and Banjou is someone who is dying to meet you." Touka explained, pulling Kaneki's costume off the door. Kaneki mouthed a small _thank you_ at her.

"Nish- no way!" Hide put both hands to his head, as if to keep his head from bursting. Touka actually smiled, before tossing the bundle of leather to Kaneki.

"Finish dressing and we'll put on a real show for your boy here." She said, waving nonchalantly as she left the room. But he didn't miss the pleased look in her eyes at his happiness. Kaneki turned to Hide, who was laughing quietly. The half-ghoul's arms wound themselves around the blonde's neck, pulling him in for a kiss. Hide kept saying how he couldn't believe this was happening, but Kaneki felt he was more surprised than his boyfriend was. As Hide sighed against his lips, pressing closer, Kaneki felt tears forming in the corners of his eyes. And the best part was, it had only just begun.

_The End _


	5. Chapter 5

Epilogue: Two Months Later

"_Buonasera_, my friends!" The greeting rang throughout the warehouse, echoing all the way to the high ceiling. Kaneki cringed, and Hide shot him a look from the stage, hands freezing in midair. His boyfriend was busy directing Nishiki and Banjou on stage-setup, while he and Touka checked the equipment. All of them looked to the door with equal measures of interest and trepidation. Tsukiyama had promised heavy paychecks to each of them, including Hide- who had become a sort of stage hand- along with some important news.

He was standing in the doorway, backlit by the early morning sunlight. His arms were spread, as if to embrace them, and his smile was borderline manic. Gaudy and ostentatious, the suit he was wearing probably turned a few heads on his way down to the location. His eyes flitted to each person in the room, and Kaneki signaled the others to gather around. When Tsukiyama was preoccupied with nearly staring a hole though Hide, Touka rolled her eyes and nudged Kaneki, conveying her disdain nonverbally. The half-ghoul sighed and smiled softly. He understood completely. The three men on the stage hopped off and joined the three on the ground, Hide stumbling a bit in his human lack of grace. Tsukiyama laughed.

"How very nice to meet you, Hide-kun! I trust that your salary will be well-deserved, and that I'm not paying for you and Kaneki-kun to flounce about, hmm?" He said, waving a hand between them. He stepped inside, closing the door with a flourish. Hide, bless him, nodded and held his tongue. Tsukiyama nodded as well and reached inside of his suit jacket. Out came five checks, each with substantial value, and Kaneki wondered briefly if _he'd_ worked enough to earn his pay. At the last second, Tsukiyama drew them back, eyebrows raised. Nishiki fidgeted restlessly as Tsukiyama looked on, expression turning coy.

"Not so fast, _mon pupée_. Announcements first, and just so you know in advance, you can't refuse." His tone alone could send shivers up Kaneki's spine any day, could ring alarm bells in Kaneki's mind. He looked to his left quickly to glance at Hide, who, besides his unusual lack of color, seemed to be handling the situation rather admirably. His brown eyes were locked on Tsukiyama, who was now unrolling some sort of poster that he must have procured from his jacket. Taking a cue from his boyfriend, Kaneki focused on what his manager held out in front of him proudly.

The first thing that caught his eye was the large cursive _M _taking up the top part of the right side. The next thing, the date- just over a month from now. Kaneki paled at the wording written all across it as well- it was an advertisement for some underground competition that they were apparently supposed to take part in. His eyebrows lowered, and he looked from the poster to Tsukiyama, who was smiling pleasantly.

"So, what do you think? Not that your opinions particularly matter, haha. I'm just being courteous." Touka looked about ready to _show _him exactly what she thought, and Kaneki laid a hand on her shoulder.

"Maybe you can explain yourself a bit, Tsukiyama-san? I think we're all a bit... shocked." Kaneki said, squeezing then releasing Touka's shoulder. She muttered something under her breath, that _shocked _was _not _the word she would have used, and he sighed. Tsukiyama handed the poster to Nishiki, who looked downright murderous, along with a small thumbtack. Hide, meanwhile, watched patiently, if not fearfully. Banjou was rubbing his fingers and thumb in a circular motion, in an effort to calm down. And Kaneki felt the urge to break one of his fingers, pretending that they belonged to Tsukiyama, knowing that his regenerative ability would mend it in no time.

Instead, he watched as Tsukiyama brushed his chin with his fingertips, tracing his jaw thoughtfully.

"Hmm, how's the best way to put this...? Well, to start, I am a prominent figure in illegal and/or competitive underground sport. This is one of my tamer ventures, I'll admit- say, would any of you be interested in a restaurant for ghouls?" Here, he paused for response, and his eyes lingered on the half-ghoul for a moment more than strictly necessary. Kaneki hoped that the disgusted expression on his face was answer enough. The other ghouls reacted much the same way, and Hide was almost as white as a sheet. Poor thing- Kaneki would take him out somewhere nice before the show. If it weren't for Kaneki insisting, he would've been sitting at home, probably watching awful cartoons.

"Alright then. As explanation for entering you in this competition, well. You refuse to tour. Your merchandise isn't selling enough. In short, you are not making me enough money. So, I've orchestrated this little stunt to get you a larger fan base, among other things." As usual, Tsukiyama left his true intentions unclear, though Kaneki gathered that they needed to do this or Tsukiyama would drop them. _Among other things. _

"No questions? _Meraviglioso_! I leave you to it, then. _Arrivederci_." With a final wave, Tsukiyama was out the door, leaving only his poster and the lingering pressure of his presence. They all released a breath collectively, and Nishiki dropped the poster on the ground and walked away, quickly walking up to the stage and to the back. He was probably going to call Kimi to rant. Touka huffed and went back to work, trying to distract herself. Banjou ran a hand through his hair, took a few breaths, and followed Touka's lead, returning to the stage. Hide and Kaneki's eyes met, and the blonde was by his side in an instant.

"Oh. My. _God_. Kaneki, he is so weird, oh my god, I thought he was gonna have me for breakfast with his overpriced imported European coffee! What was he even wearing, and is his hair dyed or was he just abnormal from birth, _oh my god_." Hide latched onto his arm, continuing to blab about his first meeting with the manager, as the half-ghoul continued to check equipment with Touka. She smiled a bit at Hide's exaggerations. The two had gotten a lot closer, and sometimes they even went out, just the two of them- to gossip about him, no doubt.

"Yeah, I regret ever having met him." Kaneki said, listening carefully to tune Nishiki's instrument. Touka nodded and brushed her bangs back, looking over their work. They were about done- if they could set it up quickly enough, Kaneki would have enough time to fetch something for Hide to eat and make it back in time to dress.

oOo

An hour or so later saw Kaneki and Hide walking up to a little diner that Kimi had suggested to Hide forever ago, that he had been eager to try since. They entered, and the smell of home-cooked meals turned Kaneki's stomach. Though he was more than used to it, he still felt a pang of longing for his human life, one where he could properly enjoy this date with Hide. He felt Hide's hand slip into his as they were taken to their seats. They remained clasped on the tabletop, earning a teasing smile from their waitress. Hide just smiled and ordered their drinks, a coke and a water, squeezing Kaneki's hand gently, reassuringly. She nodded and promised to be back, winking.

"So... the competition thing?" Hide asked carefully, quietly, turning Kaneki's hand over and beginning to trace patterns on his palm. Kaneki groaned when he remembered, but Hide was right- he needed to talk to someone about it so he didn't flop tonight onstage.

"Well, I'm worried, obviously. Ah, I remember when _Rize _was the worst thing that ever happened to us. I have no idea what Tsukiyama is planning, or thinking, and it sets me on edge." Kaneki said, using his free hand to hold his chin as he leaned forward on his elbow.

"I'm glad you can talk to me about this. Knowing you, you would keep this all to yourself, to not put any stress on the others. What's so scary about it? Maybe if you talk about it, it won't seem as bad." Kaneki rolled his eyes at the quip, and rubbed up the side of his face, over his eye, then dragged it downwards.

"Tsukiyama... is not... I don't know, he acts civilized, looks civilized, but underneath... he's an old age ghoul. Unpredictable, dangerous. Well, we're all dangerous... but he's like a brightly colored snake. It looks beautiful, and it draws you in, and the danger can excite you, sure. But one misstep, and..." Kaneki said, then stopped himself. "Sorry, I'm rambling." Hide shook his head, and opened his mouth to reply, but the waitress came back with their drinks, pen poised to take their order.

"Ah, I'm sorry! I haven't even looked at the menu... Wait, should I just get what Kimi suggested? Or-" Hide panicked, removing his hand from Kaneki's and pulling the menu up to his face. "Just a sec, please!" She looked to Kaneki, and he gave her an apologetic smile.

"Alright, yeah... I'll have this..." He pointed to the picture of some fancy Italian dish, unable to pronounce the name.

"I'm sorry, sir, but that's our dinner menu...?" She said, tilting her head and trying to quell her laughter. Kaneki chuckled, and hid his smile beneath his hand when Hide glared at him.

"Just get the cheeseburger, Hide. You love them to death. And it has like, four types of cheese on it." Kaneki offered, pointing to it on the other side of the menu. The waitress nodded, eager to get to the other patrons.

"There's a back?" Hide said incredulously, and Kaneki dropped his head onto the table, laughing boisterously. The waitress grinned and recorded the order, looking at Kaneki expectantly. He flushed.

"N-nothing for me, thanks." He always felt awkward, out of place, taking Hide out, though he'd never outwardly complain. And the look in the waitress' eyes made him feel like more of an outsider than usual. Without another word, she turned on her heel to hand in Hide's order. Hide huffed.

"You're a customer too. They could at least give you a smidge of respect."

"Hide, I ordered water, which is free. So I'm not actually even a customer. Maybe I should have gotten coffee?" Kaneki laid his head back down on the table, looking up at his boyfriend through his bangs. Hide poked his cheek and tsked.

"Still, you're sitting here, and you're paying."

"_I'm _paying?" Kaneki chucked, and Hide smiled cheekily.

"Besides, coffee would make you jittery tonight, and remember a few weeks ago? You nearly screwed up the lyrics to "_Disabled Heart_" and you've been doing it for three years." Kaneki raised his head and gazed fondly as Hide recounted a few more of his onstage mishaps.

"I love you." Kaneki almost sighed, and Hide paused mid-sentence. His brown eyes softened, and his grin fell into a gentler quirk of his lips. Kaneki turned his head back down into his arms, unable to take the pure adoration. He felt a soft hand ruffle his hair and then Hide's food was set on the table. Kaneki moved just enough to where he could offer his attention to Hide without exposing his nose to the acrid scent that the meal was giving off.

The half-ghoul took the rare moment of silence to appreciate Hide. He always knew how to make him laugh, make him relax, skills that he had always admired in the blonde. But now, they had a connection that could even be compared to Kimi and Nishiki. Half a year with Hide, and Kaneki already couldn't imagine life without him. The thought made his stomach drop.

Hide finished up quickly, and despite his protests that he was only kidding, Kaneki pulled out his wallet and paid the bill. Hide at least took the tip, as the waitress did nothing for him except bring him water, feed his boyfriend, and stereotype. They walked back to the warehouse, swinging their hands in between them. When they got back, Touka rushed Kaneki to his dressing room, griping about how he'd better be grateful she didn't come over and drag him back herself.

He was just finishing up, straightening the wig, the eyepatch, when Hide popped in.

"Yo. You still nervous?" Hide asked, coming over to rest his chin on the shorter's shoulder.

"_Still_? Hide, I'm never nervous." Hide rolled his eyes and turned his nose into Kaneki's cheek, giving him a smacking kiss.

"Of course, Shiro." Hide knew that he had long forgone the barrier between his personalities, allowing some crossing. He was able to hold down his new job in the music store, despite the sudden influx of customers. He could speak up in class without his voice shaking. And Shiro was a tad bit more reserved, and receptive to his fans.

Kaneki laughed and shrugged Hide off, wiping the wet spot on his face.

"Great. And now I'm gonna have to reapply my makeup."

"You look beautiful without the makeup, Kaneki." Hide said, and he brought his hands up to softly rub the half-ghoul's shoulders. Kaneki sighed humorously.

"Even so, I'll be as washed out as a ghost under those lights, you know." Kaneki rolled his head forward, exhaling as Hide's hands started to knead at his tired muscles.

"An attractive ghost. Ah, you may not be nervous, but you _are _stressed. You're so tense, babe." Kaneki mumbled in affirmation, and Hide coaxed him to rest on his little makeshift dresser.

"We have about two hours til you're due on stage. How's about we do a little de-stressing?" The tone in Hide's voice, playful and suggestive, had Kaneki shaking his head.

"And what would this de-stressing entail, Hide?" Kaneki asked, groaning when Hide hit a particularly tender spot. Hide just laughed, and leaned down to press feather-light kisses on his exposed neck.

"What do you think?"

oOo

The school year was almost over, and Hide wouldn't stop going on and on about what they could do once they were "free men". He would get this dreamy look in his eyes, and ramble about how he and Kaneki could run away to the beach, until the half-ghoul reminded them they had to return to resume their education. Sitting in Antieku, Hide suggested that they at least _visit_ the beach.

"I wouldn't mind going with you." Kaneki acceded, and Hide grinned like a cat who had gotten the cream.

"Hehe, I can't wait to see you in a bathing suit~" Hide said, tracing the rim of his coffee cup with a finger. Kaneki rolled his eyes. "What? That's the sort of cliché stuff you say to your significant other when you go to the beach!"

"You watch way too much TV, Hide." Kaneki checked the time on his phone. Touka would get off in about 30 more minutes, and then they could go see that new film... and then they needed to practice their set for that stupid competition. It was fast approaching, and when Tsukiyama had said in passing that it was _"quite cutthroat" _he meant it literally. Band members had been harmed or even mortally wounded in this thing, because there was apparently a huge payout for the winning team. Nishiki, who was seated at the table nearest to theirs, began to raise his voice in an argument with his girlfriend. Oh, wait. Fiancé, now.

"Kimi, let me put you through the rest of your college! All of my classes are paid for-"

"Liar! I can take care of myself, you know. I may be human, but I'm resourceful."

"Resou- what does that even mean? And if you could see my paycheck from the-"

"I don't want your money. The best thing you can do for me now is pray I'll pass my finals."

"Oh, you'll pass them, you've been studying so hard- Hey, don't change the subject. We can compromise? Half of your classes, paid for."

"How about none?"

"_Kimi_."

They looked too busy to join them today. As they waved their hands around, trying to reach some sort of middle ground, the matching gold bands on their fingers flashed in tandem. Even when they fought, they were synchronized. Kaneki felt something like envy suddenly shoot through him, and his eyes flickered to Hide, whose attention was focused on the TV mounted on the wall. He felt his cheeks heat up. He shouldn't be jealous of his friends' happiness. He was more than happy.

It wasn't their happiness he was jealous of, though. Was it? Hide turned his head and caught Kaneki staring, shooting him a teasing smile. He brought up his left hand, the one that wasn't supporting his weight as he leaned back on the table, to blow him a kiss, and Kaneki imagined, for just a second, what it would be like to marry his boyfriend.

He couldn't think of a single downside.

Kaneki smiled and pretended to catch Hide's kiss, tossing it away. Hide pouted, glaring at Kaneki, and his eyes returned to the television. The half-ghoul was about to remind Hide the he's probably already hit his TV quota for today, when a special news report flashed onto the screen.

"This just in- the rogue ghouls responsible for the string of attacks on multiple _ghoul-integration_ and _ghoul-assistance_ associations and industries have finally been apprehended. Reports say that the group is named _Aogiri Tree _and a few members may have escaped during the confrontation at their base.

Please, keep your eyes out for suspicious characters and call the CCG if you think you may be in danger. The Doves recommend that you travel in pairs or groups, three humans together or one human and one ghoul. Ghouls of Tokyo, do not engage the rogues. We are civilized, we have order, and now we have the upper hand, the CCG repeats, do not engage. We will now return you to your regularly scheduled programming."

The café was silent for nearly thirty seconds, before erupting back into chatter. Touka came over under the guise of clearing their table, and Nishiki and Kimi had their heads close together, whispering.

"Do not engage. What, do they think we're wild animals or something? Jeez." She grumbled, picking up Kaneki's empty cup. "You need a refill?"

"No, we're leaving as soon as your shift's up remember?" Kaneki said. Hide nodded.

"Oh man, this movie's supposed to be so good! It has a bit of everything- romance, comedy, sci-fi-"

"That sounds like a train wreck to me." Touka said, smirking at Hide's crestfallen expression. Suddenly, a girl with bobbed, hazelnut hair approached Touka from behind.

"Excuse me, but I heard your shift was ending? And I wanted to thank you for your excellent service before you left! You're so efficient, and great at latte art! I wish I could make coffee, you know, but my skills lie in food, not drinks. Hey, don't we have some classes together?" She said, and Touka froze up completely. Kaneki stared as red creeped into Touka's cheeks, something he'd never thought he'd live to see.

"Um. Thank you, and y-yes. We do have classes together. Have a nice day." Touka mumbled, not turning to face the girl. Satisfied anyway, she grinned and nodded.

"Oh, I hope to see you in class, then! Bye-bye." With a wave, she returned to her table, sipping from her latte. Kaneki looked Touka in the eyes, and she averted them. Wow.

"You totally should go talk to her." Hide whispered loudly, and her eyebrows drew together, making her look angry and conflicted.

"Oh, what would you know." She snapped, and Hide gestured to Kaneki.

"Hey, maybe you should go spill coffee on her." The blonde suggested, completely serious.

"Hide, _no_."

"It worked for me."

"Hide, _no_."

"Ooh, I know! Spill the coffee, and then ask her out to the movies with us!"

"_No, Hide!_" Kaneki said, exasperated, and Touka laughed nervously. "_Don't _give her third degree burns. That only works if the person who you spill _literally boiling hot bean water_ on, _**Hide**_, is a ghoul who can heal abnormally well. Humans would _not_ be as receptive. You should ask her out with us, though. She seems to like you."

"I... I don't know. She's so nice, and I'm..." Touka muttered, setting her tray on the table and leaning down to talk to them better.

"Touka! You are a wonderful person!" Hide cried, and she blushed again, pursing her lips.

"No, no, you know how I can be-"

"Yeah, but _she _talked to _you_. Anyone with eyes and a heart can understand that you are more than your anger, Touka." Hide said, and Touka looked at him, eyes shimmering. Then she blinked, and the moment was over. Kaneki smiled to himself. Touka would be the best man, Nishiki and Banjou be damned.

"Okay, okay. I'll try, when my shift is up. I'll ask her to come with us, but if she says no-"

"Then she says no, Touka. But you won't know unless you try, and isn't it better to have an answer rather than to live the rest of your life in the shadow of doubt?" Kaneki butted in, holding up a single finger.

"Oh, shut it, nerd." Touka said, but she ruffled his hair and picked up her tray. "I'm gonna clean up and change... and then talk to her." Both men smiled and encouraged her, shooing her away.

"That's nice. I'm glad Touka is branching out." Kaneki said happily, standing and stretching his arms above his head. "Thank you, by the way."

"Thanks for what? I didn't say anything that wasn't true." Hide replied, pushing his and Kaneki's chairs in.

"No..." Kaneki paused a moment, until he felt the warm pressure of Hide's hand in his. "If it weren't for you, you know, everything would be different. Without you, I'd..."

"Well, you're not without me. And you'll never be, as long as you want me~" Hide said, escorting Kaneki to the door.

"You'd better be ready to buckle in, cause I'm counting on forever." Kaneki said quietly, but Hide heard him and laughed. The blonde bumped his shoulder.

"Well, in the words of the most beautiful, talented, and amazing artist on the planet, excluding you, of course, if you like it, you should put a ring on it, babe." Hide said cheekily, and Kaneki nearly tripped on their way out the door. They stood outside, enjoying the sun for a moment while they waited on Touka.

"Hide, were you-"

"Serious? Completely."

Kaneki inhaled sharply as Touka popped out the door, in casual clothes and the girl from before in tow.

"And this is my best friend, Kaneki, and his boyfriend, Hideyoshi. Oh, call him Hide. Guys, this is Yoriko-chan. She's coming to see the movie with us." Hide raised his eyebrows at Touka's tone, daring him to say something so she could punch his lights out.

"Yeah! I've wanted to see it for a while, but never found time. But since Touka-chan asked me, I'm glad I waited." Yoriko said, nodded to Hide and Kaneki.

"Nice to meet you." They said in unison, and Yoriko laughed.

"You two are adorable." She cooed, and then pointed in the direction of the movie theater. "On we go!"

She took Touka's hand, who went red and stumbled behind her. Yoriko ran and Touka tried to keep up, leaving Hide and Kaneki, nearly doubled over in laughter, in their dust.

"Should we follow them?" Hide asked, wiping the tears from his eyes.

"I don't know. We should let Touka have this one. Plus, I'd kind of like to enjoy the sunshine before it gets unbearably hot." Kaneki answered, turning his face up into the light.

"There's that park by your apartment." Hide suggested, twining their fingers. Kaneki nodded, and they started in that direction.

Kaneki wanted to break the silence, wanted to talk to Hide about this whole marriage business, but he looked so peaceful, his tan skin accentuated by the light, the sun dancing in his hair. He was beautiful. Soon enough, they were at the park. Well, it wasn't really a park- just a small clearing of grass where the neighborhood kids came and ran around, people played frisbee with their dogs, and couples made out on the benches. But Hide made a beeline for the more wooded area, away from the crowds, where he and Kaneki snuck away for a few restful minutes in the filtered green light.

Hide had told him that he had a botany phase in high school, so he knew all the species of plants, how old they were, why some grew well and others didn't, which he often relayed to Kaneki as he ran his hands along the rough bark and through the soft leaves. But now, he stopped and leaned against a thick trunk just inside the quiet forest. He looked serious, and Kaneki's stomach swooped.

"For as much as a claim to be such a good people reader, when it comes to you, it's hard to tell what's going through your mind. So I'm just going to go ahead and do this, and I'm not sure how you'll react. So... just bear with me, alright?" Kaneki watched carefully as Hide took a few deep breaths, purposefully avoiding looking at the half-ghoul. Suddenly it dawned on him how convenient it was that Touka got dragged away, and Nishiki and Kimi were deep into an argument that was within earshot.

"Kaneki Ken- _shit_-" His voice cracked and he cleared his throat, holding his hands out to Kaneki. The half-ghoul grinned and took them, looking Hide right in the eyes to try and calm him.

"Kaneki Ken. We met because of an accident, and I can say now that you are the best accident- no wait, that sounds awful, hang on..." Kaneki laughed, blinking fast to try and keep from crying. Hide pulled out a piece of paper from his pockets, looking it over a few times before continuing. Was this real life?

"Okay, okay. You _are _the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I like to think we would have met eventually, even if I hadn't spilled coffee on you when I did. We literally probably passed each other five times a day at Kamii. Anyways, you saved my life forever ago, and again in the past year, and it seems to me like I gave you one, or at least made it a bit better. Hopefully.

Um, so, what I want is for us to have a life _together_, because when we're together it's like there is literally nothing wrong with the world and no matter what happens it'll be okay. Because I know at the end of the day, I'll always have you to come home to, or vice versa- at least, I want it to be that way. So, I'm asking you, sincerely and totally serious, because Touka gave me _endless _grief about this- will you marry me, Ken?"

By the end of it, both Hide and Kaneki were crying messes, and he nearly thought he was talking to someone else, because he couldn't believe it. His throat was tight, and he didn't entirely trust himself not to say something entirely too embarrassing, so he just nodded, and then he was wrapped in a hug so tight that he couldn't breathe.

Suddenly, Nishiki, Kimi, Banjou, Uta, Yomo, Touka, and even Yoriko came out of the trees, clapping. Kaneki nearly jumped out of his skin. What the hell. Touka came over, with a fond glance back to Yoriko, and held out two shining circles.

"Told you I wouldn't lose them, you lucky son of a bitch." She said, and Hide pulled her into a hug as well. She pulled away to address Kaneki.

"By the way, Kaneki- I meant to tell you, but then Hide came up with this stupid plan, so I never got around to it. Yoriko and I actually became friends a while ago, and we just started dating. But, to trick you, we had to be 'strangers'. So, sorry. But not really, because you're welcome."

Yoriko waved at him, smiling brightly. Nishiki shrugged as if to say, "_sorry, we were faking too_", and Banjou flashed him a thumbs up. Uta and Yomo looked particularly un-enthused, but Kaneki knew deep down somewhere they actually cared. And then he looked at Hide, who held one ring out, inviting. Kaneki's smile was watery, matching Hide's cheeks, as the ring was put on his finger. This whole, entire day was one big setup. And he loved it. He loved Hide, he loved his friends. No, his _family_.

He wanted everyday to be like this, happy, joyful, even though he knew it was unrealistic. And though the stress was far from over- he still had so many things to do, to deal with- in this moment, this fraction of time, he could believe in a world where anything was possible.

_The End_

_Like, for real this time_

**Thank you everyone for your support and comments! I loved writing this, so I hoped you enjoyed reading it. Sometimes I forget how fulfilling it is to wrap up a multi-chapter story. I'm like, it's done, it's over, and even though my fingers hurt from typing, I almost wish there was more story to tell. And of course, I could go on about the beautiful HideKane future, but I'd like Kaneki to be happy, forever, so I leave him here in one of his happiest moments to date. Thanks again, and I'll keep my mind open. We'll see what rolls in next, huh?**

**Much love, **

**clockworksalsa**

**(Ronica)**


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